Reelin' In The Years

First, a happy 50th birthday to Shawn Hillegas. In 1992 on our birthday, I saw him pitch in Yankee Stadium. He didn't fare well in that outing but it is a unique memory to have the guy who shares your birthday pitch in the House That Ruth Built.

"Are you reelin' in the years
Stowin' away the time
Are you gatherin' up the tears
Have you had enough of mine"
Reelin' In The Years - Steely Dan


This week marks a big milestone in my life as I turn fifty on August 21st. One half a century, the big Five-O. I can light my birthday cake on fire pretty easily now. Yes, a colonoscopy is on the horizon. It's also a time of introspection. What did my time on earth mean? Some thoughts: It means I remember the Beatles when they were still together and I watched Willie Mays play ball in Candlestick Park. I'm a Baby Boomer and a GenXer - which probably explains a lot of my confusion of who I am. I grew up during the Wonder Years when they weren't just a nostalgia show. That show more than anything else, described my childhood. It means I lived through hippies, disco, New Wave, Grunge and Hip Hop. It somehow allows me to have some sort of perspective on the world and hopefully some wisdom. For some reason, people look to me for that. I hope I don't steer them the wrong way.

"Your everlasting summer
You can see it fading fast
So you grab a piece of something
That you think is gonna last
You wouldn't know a diamond
If you held it in your hand
The things you think are precious
I can't understand"
Reelin' In The Years - Steely Dan

I don't think this is a "been there done that" mindset, but I also notice things that I thought was really important, has become less so over the years. I used to spend tons of time playing, watching and reading about sports. I spent tons of money on movies and music. Now I see them being much less a part of my life. Things are part of life, but they're not the most valuable. How I spend my money and time has changed focus. Time especially, is getting shorter for me, I hope that this changing perspective is helping me get my priorities straight.

"Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends."
It's A Wonderful Life

Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
Acts 2:43-47

What do I treasure most now? The people close to me. I think mostly of my children and how much they have shaped me, challenged me and somehow loved me through all of it. I think of my friends in the same way. Over the years I have had friends come into my life that have become lifelong adopted family who have supported me through some of the darkest and brightest times of my life. I think of the fellowship and care during college that came as close to the Acts 2 model that I have ever experienced. It seems during that time I was fully alive and each day was pure joy to live. It was an amazing gift from God and acted out in the most generous way with friends who are still to this day close to me. God has also graciously added friends along the way. I can't say enough about several co-workers who have become close friends of mine as well. It makes the long days at work not only bearable but joy at times. I am truly blessed.

"There's a fire burning in my soul,
It keeps a man warm and it makes a man whole,
When the sun goes down and the day is through,
To live and walk like Jesus did, is the best a man can do."
God Fearing Man - Joel Weldon

But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
Matthew 7:14

So what do I see looking forward? With a mixed past of hurts, difficulties, outright screw ups along with some great triumphs, blessings and joys I see that life is long narrow road. At times, it's tough, lonely and with missteps along the way. Sometimes we get lost. On the other hand, the views are great. The few that walk with you are the most amazing people you can have around. I think my life calling is still about a Savior and investing in lives to help them find the healing and wholeness we all desire. Those like me who have experienced much failure are the ones who know what it's like. I have many relationships to try to reconcile and much forgiveness to seek. But I know what my measuring stick is and even though I'll fall short, I know that it's about keeping my heart right and continuing to heal and hopefully bring healing to others. There is no ego in this as I know that in the end Christ will get the properly deserved credit. I'm only there to experience the blessings that come along with it.
This week marks a moment of transition and in many ways things are the same. I will check a different age box when I fill out a survey but I'll also be doing a lot of the same things I've been doing for that past 50 years. People come and go through the years but many will stick around for the journey. I'll continue to need to seek forgiveness and reconciliation but I'll also hopefully be the one to help others find it along the way. Mostly, I have a Father who is showing me the way, forgiving me when I screw up and healing my heart. Because of Him it makes it all worth it.

But Those Dreams Have Remained And They've Turned Around

Amanda, Gabriel and Jiichan

The angel said to him, “I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news.
Luke 1:19

This is the moment where life and death meet. This is what we are - warriors. 
Worf - Star Trek: The Next Generation

There's so many emotions when it comes the birth of my second grandchild. Gabriel's life has been anything but ordinary. My daughter, Amanda, had severe complications at seven months that it required emergency c-section to keep her alive. At first, I was so scared for Gabriel. I knew he would be so little and his life would be at stake. But the little guy showed that he was tough and ready to enter the world and he would be able to survive just fine. Considering the circumstances, his progress has been extremely uneventful. He's just plain growing and getting stronger as the days go by. In my eyes, I see him as having the heart of a warrior. In geek terms, he has received the birthright of a true Klingon. To his successful arrival I give a hearty "Qaplah!"

The phoenix hope, can wing her way through the desert skies, and still defying fortune's spite; revive from ashes and rise.
Miguel de Cervantes

Gabriel's name was decided a while before his birth and so I find it quite prophetic that his middle name is Phoenix. It show so much of how God does bring forth things from the ashes and "rebirths" them. My grandson has been birthed from some very difficult circumstances. Like his mother, he has risen above. I can't say too much of how proud I am of him knowing that he is a fighter and survivor.

In honor of his birth, here's the list of interesting events and births on his day, April 26th:

1986 – A nuclear reactor accident occurs at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant in the Soviet Union (now Ukraine), creating the world's worst nuclear disaster.

Births
121 – Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor (d. 180)
1564 – William Shakespeare, English poet, playwright and actor (d. 1616)

1900 – Hack Wilson, American baseball player (d. 1948)

1942 – Bobby Rydell, American singer and actor
1943 – Gary Wright, American singer-songwriter, keyboard player
1955 – Mike Scott, American baseball player
1960 – Steve Lombardozzi, American baseball player and coach
1963 – Jet Li, Chinese-Singaporean martial artist, actor, and producer

1965 – Kevin James, American actor, screenwriter, and producer
1977 – Kosuke Fukudome, Japanese baseball player

Deaths
1984 – Count Basie, American pianist, composer, and bandleader (b. 1904)

1989 – Lucille Ball, American actress and producer (b. 1911)

I mention these two people's passing as they have a connection to the family. I share my birthday with Count Basie and was going to see his band perform at UC Davis in 1984. He took ill a few days before the performance and passed away soon after. Lucille Ball is by far my favorite comedienne as my mom, Gabriel's great grandmother had a very similar sense of humor. I hope that some of what was her, will be in him.

I have to admit that whenever I hear his name I track back to one of my favorite TV shows as a kid: Welcome Back Kotter. I guess the only Gabe I can think of is Gabe Kotter (aka Gabe Kaplan). The theme song for the show rings in my ear although very little of it could apply to my grandson. I guess that continues to reinforce that I'm becoming the old crazy grandpa!

My hope is that with a grandson, we can take in ball games, play catch, go to the gun range, ride motorcycles and play catch. I know that he's the son of two artists so he may end up being more interested in "right brain" things. That's just fine with me. I'm hoping whatever the activity is, it's quality time spent. I want him to know how much I love him and that through all of what he's already been through, I'm proud of him. He is my second generation Ichiro. I hope that he knows that he's number one in my heart.

My Friends Toasting And Sharing Cigars To Celebrate Gabriel's Birth

For Every Generation There Is A Gap

Deuteronomy 6:6-9
"These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates."

Since my dad's passing, I have heard many people tell me of how much of a role model, mentor and shining example my dad was to them. This included those he coached, those who worked for him and some friends. I heard how he mentored those who worked for him and that he taught them how to excel as an engineer. I hear how his coaching went beyond the game and how peers of mine received teaching that prepared them for life. It's funny that I just never felt that from him. Part of it is my selfishness or the fact that we don't appreciate those closest to you, but I found that this feeling is almost universal between father and son. This sort of realization gave me a deep empty feeling. My dad was a good man in most respects. We always had a roof over our heads and food on the table. I learned a lot of things from my dad from throwing a spiral, to algebra to performing an oil change on a car. Somehow, if he did it, I missed the affirmation I deeply needed.

Even my friend Pete Damianakes mentioned when he hears that type of compliment about his dad (who I mentioned earlier), Pete didn't feel that he got the same type of affirmation from him. It's so strange that I felt that from his dad but he seemed to have missed out on it. It also makes stop and wonder what my kids think of my parenting and the gaps that they have because of me. Perhaps it's an impossibility, but ideally your dad should be the hero, mentor and guide that you remember most as the one who was "there for you". Sadly, for many it's someone else or nobody at all.

Several times I have mentioned the fact that our relationship with our dads and our sons leaves "gaps" in our lives. What we need and crave for from our dad is not provided and so we end up with missing emotional pieces that I think is best described as gaps. What this leads to is all sorts of addictions, passivity, anger and fear. At this point in my life, I'm really wishing I didn't go through all of my years with so many gaps. I never have felt that it was my dad's fault, but for some reason, there's a disconnect and it passes down through each generation.

To all of this I go back to the one truth. We need a real Father who is perfect. He has to be powerful but also very much patient, forgiving, loving and compassionate. I continually ask the question of what would my ideal father look like. I can see my dad has some of these qualities but I also long for the qualities that he lacked. I know that he was human and thus flawed and so I don't hold it against him. What I do know is that only God can fulfill the role of my perfect ideal of a father. I know that concept from the first time heard the Gospel, but only later in life after I have lived life as a son and dad do I really understand the depth and transforming truth of knowing that God is my true Father. All others are imperfect (even if they were great in many respects) and will leave us with emotional gaps. This process of knowing our perfect Father and the healing that He provides is a life long process as he fills the gaps. I really long for the day when there are no more gaps to be filled.

 

Happy Days

Fox,

Today you have given me one of the happiest days in my life. Today I can truly call you my son. It may cause you mixed feelings to hear that, but know it's what I feel deep inside. I know that this has been a long and difficult process for you and I know that many times I made things worse with my own stupid actions. Know that I have hurts in my life that I have to work through and sadly you get caught up in them. I will continue to work to be a better father and role model for you. I'm sorry if it embarrased you when I cried in front of everyone. Understand that a man can and should feel deeply even though society makes fun of men crying. I want you to know that I'm so happy and that I want the world to know how I feel about you.

On this day, there's a few things I want you to know:

Romans 8:15-16
"The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children."
I want you to know that being adopted may seem like you are someone who stands out and is different but that is far from the truth. We are all adopted since God our Father has adopted each one of us into His family. I know that this can be a hard label to have on you, but know that being adopted means that you were chosen. I chose YOU to be my son. You are the only one that I would pick for my son. I hope that you can let that sink in for a moment so that you can understand just how much I wanted you to be part of my family. Know that even more, God wanted you to be in His family. He wanted it so badly that He would literally die for you. You are loved and wanted that much.

Matthew 17:5
"... 'This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!'”
I want you to know that I am proud of you. When I talk to others I proudly say that you are my son. You show so much bravery through all of what you have been through. You are a strong young man who shows so much care to people. I know that so many adults are impressed with how much love and care you show to young children. That is a special character trait that you have. You are a very smart person who is just finding out how much potential that you have. There are so many things that you can be and the possibilities are endless.

Finally, I want you to know that I'm on your side and have your back. I will always cheer for you and encourage you. Sometimes, it may feel like I'm being hard on you, but know that I do what I do because I want the best for you. Sometimes what is best requires pain, hard work and patience. The most important things in life require that of you and I know that it's not easy. Please never give up and keep improving. The payoff is great when you put in the effort! I will be there by your side and rooting you on.

Thank you for giving me one of the BEST days of my life. I'm not sure if I can fully put into words what this day means to me. Just know that you are my beloved son with whom I am very proud of.

Love,

Your Adoptive Dad, Naka

Why Forgive?

In the wake of the tragic shooting in Aurora, Colorado so much emotion comes out. Disgust, fear, anger, and sadness permeate us as we try to make sense of something senseless. Think of heading to the theater to watch a much anticipated film to only end up witnessing up front or becoming victim of a bloody, violent, murderess rampage? Think of the horror, shock and pain that they went through. Now consider how our country reacts. There's been a spike in requests for gun carry permits in an attempt to protect oneself. There are talking heads spouting all sorts of divisive vitriol from both sides of the political spectrum.
Add to this, there's rioting going on in Anaheim because a police officer shot and killed an unarmed youth; Happy Valley is still digesting the penalties and public scorn from the Sandusky trial; and George Zimmerman is awaiting trial for the shooting of Trayvon Martin with all of the racial tension that has simmered through that incident. How do we as a society find healing in the wake of all that has been going on?
My suggestion is to look at two men as imperfect examples. The first is Pierce O'Farrill. He is one of the victims of the shooting in Aurora. He has chosen the Christ-like attitude to forgive. I have to admit in my walk I would seriously struggle to be able to do this. It takes a supernatural healing and heart change to be able to forgive those who have wronged you. We have tender spots in our hearts that will cry out in either fear or anger. Yet, a young man like this can step up and decide to forgive and to find compassion and desire to understand why someone would commit such a heinous act.
The second is Pope John Paul II. In 1980 Mehmet Ali Ağca shot the Pope four times. The reaction from around the world was (as in the Aurora shooting) disgust, fear, and anger. In 1983, the Pope visited Agca in prison. In one of the most talked about acts of his papacy, he forgave his assasin. Time Magazine's cover story for that week had a picture of the visit with the quesion: "Why Forgive?"

I believe that this may have been the Pope's most important act during his life. He fully demonstrated the Christ-like grace of forgiveness. After his death it is said that Agca was deeply saddened by the event, that he considered the Pope his friend and expressed his deep love for him. That is amazing healing!
Forgiveness is such a difficult thing but a healing one. I am very much walking the slow path to being able to forgive others. It is a process of release. Not only for the wrong doer, but a release of the chains of the wronged. When that step begins, we find our burdens lifted. We will continue on our journey to healing.
One of my favorite Christian musical artists is Steve Taylor. Once dubbed the Court Jester Of The Kingdom, he is known for his cynical, and sarcastic views of life in in the Christian world. He has lambasted TV Evangelists (I Manipulate), conformity (I Want To Be A Clone) and political influence of conservativism (It's A Personal Thing). Amazingly, he was so touched by the Pope's actions that he wrote this beautiful and positive song in response to Time's question, "Why Forgive". He just said "To Forgive".

I saw a man
He was holding the hand
That had fired a gun at his heart
Oh, will we live to forgive?

I saw the eyes
And the look of surprise
As he left an indelible mark
Oh, will we live to forgive?


Come, find release
Go, make your peace

Follow his lead
Let the madness recede
When we shatter the cycle of pain
Oh, we will live to forgive

Come, find release
Go, make your peace

I saw a man
With a hole in His hand
Who could offer the miracle cure
Oh, He said live
I forgive
Oh, He said live
To forgive
Oh, He said live
To forgive

Bandit's Dad Was A Smokey

When I bought my VMax motorcycle I was talking with my daughter, Ariel, about naming it and I came up with Sharky's Machine. As Ariel and I both enjoy watching the San Jose Sharks together along with the motorcycle being teal in color it kind of fit. The name Sharky's Machine is actually for an 80s action film starring Burt Reynolds. It's a typical guy film with a tough as nails cop and lots of bullets and a few explosions. It also features still one of the coolest stunts ever as a bad guy gets shot and falls through a high rise window. This week had AMC showing one of the most intense films of all time Deliverance. I'm sure I can find some time to write about the intensity and symbolism there, but I'll just leave it as getting to see Burt Reynolds with a broken bone sticking out of his leg is not for the faint of heart (if him getting his finger tips cut off in Sharky's Machine doesn't turn you stomach enough).

When I think of Reynolds I also think about a quote I heard at a men's group meeting with the Fight For Manhood. This is one of the most significant ministries I have been involved in and I highly recommend for you to check it out. Before I get to the quote just think of who Burt Reynolds is. At one time he was the biggest box office draw in the world. His hit movies include Smokey And The Bandit, The Longest Yard, and Gator to name a few. He has fame, fortune, the affection of glamorous women and was a star high school athlete. I know growing up he was considered the cool guy laughing at authority, making his own rules and carving out his own path. In many respects, he is the world's definition of a man's man. He has had all the world has to offer.


Ecclesiastes 2:10-11
I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
    I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my labor,
    and this was the reward for all my toil.
Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
    and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; 
    nothing was gained under the sun.

Reynolds, like so many other men with riches, power, and fame are like Solomon. Yet somehow, having all the world had to offer didn't fill the void for either man. Here's the quote that rings in my brain so often when I think of Reynolds. It sounds a bit like my experience:


Burt Reynolds in Parade Magazine:
My dad was the chief of police, and when he came into the room all the light and air went out. There's a saying in the south - no man is a man until his dad tells him he is. It means that someday when you're 30 or 40, grown up, this man whom you respect and love and you want to love, you hope he'll put his arms around you and tell you, "You're a man now, and you don't have to do all those crazy things you're doing and get into fistfights and all that to defend your honor. You don't have to prove anything to me. You're a man and I love you." But my dad and me, we never hugged and never kissed and we never said "I love you." No we never even cried together. So what happened was later, I was deseperately looking for someone who would say, "Burt you're all grown up now, and I approve of you, I love you, you don't have to do those things anymore." But that didn't happen and I was lost inside. For most of my life, I couldn't connect - I was incomplete; and I didn't know then what I needed to know. 

There's so much in this quote I've spent a lot of time mulling over what he's saying.
One thing that stands out is how desperate he needs his father's love, acceptance and validation. Sadly, like most of us it never happened. Even worse, it seems that his dad was an intimidating presence. I wonder if my children would think that growing up, when I entered a room I sucked the air out? Our society has removed the father's all important role of giving identity to our children. We don't realize that we have been empowered by God to give a masculine love and validation. Our culture almost mocks the concept of rites of passage. I know that I wish that somewhere along the way someone gave me the consistent validation and masculine love I so desperately needed. As an example, my son in law who has served in the military (including a tour in Iraq), graduated college and won the heart of my most precious daughter obviously had not received that validation. The night before the wedding I gave him my own awkwardly presented but heartfelt and truthful personal validation. I told him that I was proud of him; that I would accept him, love him and treat him as my own adult son; and I told him that in my eyes he is a man. We hugged. At the wedding, before giving him Ariel's hand, I told him again that I'm proud of him. This is all so true. He is a good man and a man worthy of God's love. My continual prayer is that he daily becomes more and more confident of those facts.

Another surprising thing is that Reynolds wanted his dad to say "grow up and start acting like a man and that you don't have to prove anything to me." It's sad to see so many men who are desperately seeking validation. It's a vain exercise in of itself. Look at so much of the self glorification going on the music industry, on the playing field and on the political platform. Why can't we see past ourselves? Beyond that there are so many in their twenties and beyond who are still living like boys: consumed by their Xbox, cable TV, hobbies, and sports. I'm definitely not against personal pursuits, but how all consuming they can become (basically addictions). We so desperately need someone to tell us the truth: we're men and called to step up and live beyond our own pleasures; that we are committed to the well being and protection of others.
Also, what is clear from Reynolds is that we need to show our vulnerable emotions. I know I have a lot of growth to do in this area. Tragically, our society has so narrowly defined what a man is (Jason Gaddis calls it the The Man Box) that any emotion beyond anger is weak, for sissies, or is somehow an indication that you're homosexual. Sadly, showing emotion for a boy will invite ridicule. We learn to stuff our emotions and become incomplete and detached. We so desperately need dads who are willing to cry, hug, kiss and show genuine emotion. It is a long journey for most men to get there, but my prayer is that we can get there. Our wives, children and our world needs us to be more integrated intellectually and emotionally.
I'm sad to hear that at the time that Burt Reynolds made this quote, he had enough self realization that he knew he was lacking. He was lost inside, he couldn't connect with others, he was incomplete and didn't know what he needed to know. That is a great description of how I lived a large part of my life. Without the direction of an earthly father we will feel lost. Even with a good earthly father, his weaknesses and sin will leave gaps in our development. Only God can fill that gap. Only through His intervention and the placement of others who will walk the journey with you will you find the answers. I know for me it's a complicated, difficult journey but I am blessed with great friends with whom I owe a debt I could never repay. I also have a great God who did intervene in my life. He has somehow broke through all of the hurt and confusion and guided me to a better place. My hope is that whether we are an international superstar or just a regular guy with a family and a mortgage we all find what is lacking.
Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Madea (aka Tyler Perry), I Owe You One

At some point we've probably asked, "What one celebrity would you want to meet?" To that some would pick a famous actor, athelete, or statesman. Recently, my answer to that question has changed. The famous person I'd most want to meet is now Tyler Perry. The odd thing is that I am not a huge fan of his TV shows or movies. To be honest, the humor is not my taste and the cultural context is something that is not familiar territory for me. So the question is why would I choose him? The thing that does fascinate me is that he has a message. There is a deep voice in his works that speaks to the deep pains that we experience in life. It speaks to the facade that we put up when in reality we have deep wounds that we need to face and heal from.

This is the reason is that I owe him a debt of gratitude. I would like to just shake his hand and thank him for being willing to talk about his past. Last year he appeared on Oprah Winfrey and talked about the physical and sexual abuse he experienced as a child and how it affects him. He was brave and healthy emotionally enough to step up to give his voice to abuse. To be honest I rarely watch Oprah but my wife wanted me to see it since so much of the struggles in his life sounded like mine. She was right on the mark. For that all too short hour, Perry along with other men spoke of the fear, shame, pain, anger, detachment, withdrawal, self doubt, self hate and confusion that permeates the life of a man who has experiened abuse. From what Jodi saw, I had that "deer in the headlights" stare as I watched Perry talk about the feelings I had also felt. It's like a deep dark cavern that was inside my heart was suddenly hit with a bright light. I'm not sure I can put all of those feelings into words, but it was painful, relieving and frustrating all at the same time. Perry mentioned that writing about his experiences and his Faith in the Lord were great parts of his healing.

I felt like a heavy burden was lifting off of me, but also a deep anger was seething about the loss of "what might have been" sunk in. I feel like I have carried so much of the shame of my failures when in part there was a pattern established in my life early on that helped me survive what I was going through. Unfortunately, this pattern was a hurtful and destructive one in my adult life. I hurt over the lost opportunities, broken relationships and general self loathing that I had to walk through. Thanks to God and Tyler Perry, this was the epiphany moment that started me on a better road.
When taking stock of my life, I realized that I was bullied in a deep and painful way. It was prolonged and never addressed. What I learned was to suppress the hurt, fake like I wasn't in pain and continue to be a good kid so that I could be left alone. I now can see when I am starting those withdrawn, detached, cynical patterns and break away from them. The key is to know who I am in Christ. I, like everybody else, is the deeply valued son who is blessed and loved. God has secured me and I now live safely within His care. My sincerest hope is that if you can relate to any of this, seek out the healing that you richly deserve.

Psalm 23:1-3

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He refreshes my soul.

As for Tyler Perry, I now watch his shows and films with a more understanding perspective. My hope is that the deep messages that he presents will speak to this world. He is a brother in Christ and my prayer for him is that he continues to heal and find success.

Sandusky Aftermath: Breaking The Cycle

With the guilty verdict of Jerry Sandusky of 45 counts of child abuse comes a great sense of relief. It's step in restoring the feeling of justice that we all long for. I know that God has written into us the deep seeded notion that justice must be met and right will win over wrong. I've been reading comments about the case and one thing is for certain is that it brings out a deep anger with which has its own ugly side. Calling Sandusky a monster or predator is one thing, but hoping he gets raped or beaten to death in prison is another thing. Given my past I feel that deep conflict of knowing that justice needs to be served but also having hopes that he gets what he dished out. This case has opened such deep wounds that the city of Sandusky, OH has had a drop in tourism since the case began and some serious name confusion. Once again, God's way is different from ours. I know that God desires for even a child abuser to find healing, forgiveness and fellowship from the Father. Jesus came to save us all. There is no "worse" sin. I know that we all at times have a hard time reconciling this.

2 Samuel 12:13

"Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”"

I have an odd request to anyone who reads this who has abused someone in the past. I am speaking as one who has been on the other end of the abuse and through it I have a message now that I am in a better emotional state (thank you, Jesus!). My message is this: "Step up and take responsibility." From what I see, abusers have somehow isolated those they dominate over and are great at hiding their actions. Bring your actions into the light. I would commend you highly if you would even turn yourself into the police if the abuse warranted it. Another action to take: seek professional help immediately. You need to find out why you behave as you do and fix that. It would be your gift to mankind to help break this ugly cycle. I know that many if not all abusers have been on the receiving end of abuse. Please find healing from that. God has a way of fixing what seems to be hopelessly broken. It is a painful process that will require you to face your hurts and those you hurt. But taking responsibility has a way of freeing us.

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

To those survivors (you're not victims) who were brave enough to stand up and testify reliving such horrific times in your life, I stand and applaud you. You are the very definition of a brave man. You have stood up in the face of fear, shame and public spectacle. Bravery is defined as facing something even if it taps into your worst fear. You have done this. To all of us who have been through similar experiences. I pray for you to find healing. I was bullied to an extremely painful level. I'm sure that getting beaten or sexually abused is far worse than what I experienced. Again, I pray that you will find healing. Seek out good counseling and yes, face the pain. Feel the deep hurt. It is the path to healing. Talk to some good friends or others who have survived what you have went through. Mostly, find times to know who God is in your life. He is the ultimate healer. He is the safety that we all long for. As the prosecution said, Sandusky took part of each victim's soul. I know that God can restore your soul, heal your heart and more. He loves you more than you can imagine.

The King's Speech

I was deeply saddened to hear of the passing of Rodney King. His life and choices have been under the glare of a judgmental public eye for about twenty years. I'm not sure many could bear what he has been through and come out OK from it.
His choices were definitely wrong on the night of March 2, 1991. He was driving drunk. He could have killed someone or himself just because of that foolish choice. Beyond that, he resisted arrest and did not cooperate with the police. From there, things got horribly ugly. I don't know fully the reason for him receiving the beating he got from the police, but it was awful to see and clearly excessive. This incident has plenty of people to blame.
Later in life, King battled substance issues continually and it seems that he never could find the strength to conquer some of the torment that followed him the rest of his life. Again, can any other person survive what he went through and receive the judgement that surrounds him without deep hurt? It is sad to hear that many who were close to him speak of him as a deeply caring individual who they were rooting for and that he had a kind a generous side that the public ignored.
Yet he carried the burden of being the lightning rod of the LA Riots.The anger there was equally horrible and unjust compared to what King endured at the hands of the police. Again, so many are to blame for what has happened.
What I really want to convey is that despite King's issues and under such deep criticism he gave in my opinion one of the most important speeches on race. It is one that beckons us to look towards a Healer. I find it offensive that people have used his statements in a condescending way. For some reason, people of all colors seems to find his words naive, foolish and even stupid. Yes, it wasn't eloquent, but is had a lot of honesty and heart. In that moment, Rodney King stepped up and changed the world. To that I feel he took responsibility and deserves a positive place in history.
God desires for us to heal. First our hearts need to be healed through reconciling and humbling ourselves before a Savior. Second, we need to heal the hurts that occur between us. Racial conflict at its heart is the same issue that plagues this fallen world: sin. We need healing. Rodney King's speech spoke to step two. May we all find step one and only then will step two truly happen.

"I just want to say - you know - can we all get along? can we, can we get along? Can we stop making it horrible for the older people and the kids? And... I mean we've got enough smog in Los Angeles let alone to deal with setting these fires and things... it's just not right - it's not right. And it's not going to change anything. We'll get our justice; they've won the battle, but they haven't won the war. We'll get our day in court and that's all we want.
And, just, uh, I love - I'm neutral, I love every - I love people of color. I'm not like they're making me out to be.
We've got to quit - we've got to quit; I mean after-all, I could understand the first - upset for the first two hours after the verdict, but to go on, to keep going on like this and to see the security guard shot on the ground - it's just not right; it's just not right, because those people will never go home to their families again. And uh, I mean please, we can, we can get along here. We all can get along - we just gotta, we gotta.
I mean, we're all stuck here for a while, let's, you know let's try to work it out, let's try to beat it, you know, let's try to work it out."

Father's Day Gift

With Father's Day upon us, I wanted to offer my gift to fathers and future fathers. Beyond the cards, well wishes, striped ties and prime rib dinners I hope that I can offer you something that will last. Understand you have been given one of the most influential roles on earth. It is a role that can change the course of so many lives and has been ordained by God to be the agent of blessing and power in this world. The message you may be getting is that men, fathers and masculinity are archaic, unnecessary or even worse abusive. This is a lie. You are most under attack because the Enemy knows you are the most powerful.

Revelation 22:3
No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him.
First I offer you to be free from the shaming that permeates the world. We live in a results oriented, critic focused, sound byte world where it is so easy for one to be blamed for things. With that environment comes shame. What's worse is that many of you will attend church where your pastor (with good intentions) will preach a message of what's wrong with dads. It will ring of things such as what we are lacking, what we don't do and why the world is screwed up because of it. It's shame preaching and it may produce a short term change but nothing permanent. It also gives us a more callused heart as we get more obligations piled on us. I say you are free (FREEDOM!!!) from that. Your heart is good. You have a Father who loves you and is proud of you. Let that sink in to the deepest parts of your heart. You are free from the curse so you are free to make mistakes. God knows your heart.

Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
You have permission to rest. Actually, in the Old Testament you are commanded to rest. We need to recharge and relax. We need time to reconnect with our true Dad. So yes, hit the links, read the book on your front porch, play the Stratocaster (really loud if you'd like), ride the Hog (or in my case the Vmax) on some winding road to nowhere, just take your Father with you. See if you find Him in a thought or an experience. He desires for you to enjoy things and He wants to enhance it with His presence. We sometimes are shamed into feeling guilty enjoying things when in actuality carving a few hours out once in a while is a healing and growing time. If you're having trouble finding what gives you rest, ask the question (it may take several times before you come up with it): "What do I want to do?"

Obi-Wan: "You must learn the ways of the Force if you're to come with me to Alderaan."
You are not alone on this journey in life. Don't live it out in isolation. My prayer is that you have a great dad or mentor who will show you the ropes of life. There seems to be this implied (again shame oriented) view that if you don't know it, you're an idiot if you ask for help. That's a complete lie. We need help, guidance and direction. Seek out someone who will step into that role for you. You deserve it. Also, every man can be Obi-Wan to someone else. In an "iron sharpening iron" sort of way God has placed us in the position to be mentors. If you're a teen, mentor your siblings or that lonely kid down the street. If you are in your twenties, I'm sure that there's a youth group or a street ministry who would love to have you involved. If you're in the "middle" you either have children or there are other children, teens and young adults who desperately need you to fill the role of Obi-Wan. For you mature men please, we need you the most. You have a lifetime of wisdom that will bless any younger male. I know that I am still seeking that mentor.
I'm sure that you may be feeling inadequate for such a role. Understand that you are in process just like the rest of us. You will make mistakes. You may face rejection. That's OK God is much bigger and has your back. He cares more about the process then the results.

James T. Kirk "Of my friend, I can only say this: of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most... human. "
Finally, I give you the gift of brotherhood. We are not to live this life alone. You need a band of brothers who you can be real with, share with and enjoy the bonds of masculine love. I'm sure this sounds a bit dramatic or even a little weird but we need to break free from the conditioning that isolates us. It is freeing to have others who can listen, care and empathize. We have all been through the ringer and need someone to talk with. We need to be known and accepted. I pray that you find that with a few peers who will walk through life with you. For me, I meet with four co-workers who are also my friends. We talk a lot about what's really going on inside of us. It's so healing. I also have friends from my childhood, college and churches I have attended over the years that I can turn to. I am truly blessed to have this and hope that you will have it to. Having brothers in Christ will get you through so many tough times and will make the good times ever better.
I have given you some fairly abstract gifts. I understand that some of it may seem impossible to attain or just plain idealistic. To that I offer that if you are truly seeking to find any of these gifts and they seem elusive, first read more of this blog as I hope to be addressing this in other articles. Also, you are free to contact me and I'll offer you what I have. I'm far from perfect and most of what I know comes from years of doing life wrong.
Finally, you are not called to go at life alone. You have a Heavenly Father who is actively involved in your life. You are blessed and He is proud of you!
Happy Father's Day!