Party On, Dudes!

"Be excellent to each other and PARTY ON DUDES!"
Abraham Lincoln

"Excellent!"
Bill S. Preston Esq. and Ted Theodore Logan

No matter how many times (three to be exact) that this happens, the joy doesn't grow stale. Yes, I am now a grandfather for the third time! A very special welcome to Theodore Lewis Brow. You are now part of a growing and loving family. Just by being you, you have given me great happiness.

It seems that life at this point is like an avalanche with so much going on and so many problems to face. The gift of a grandson really gives me time to pause and celebrate. Somehow God has been so generous to me and he has given me the most amazing a beautiful daughter. Through her, I have been blessed twice with grandchildren. When I take stock of my life I tend to dwell on the negatives and despite them, God continually blesses me. His love truly knows no bounds. Since grandchildren have entered into my life I realize just how content I am - what I long for is connection with them and others that mean so much to me. Within these tiny precious lives God has taught me great and deep lessons.

A few important events that happened on April 14th (clearly it was not a good day in history):
1828 – Noah Webster copyrights the first edition of his dictionary.
1846 – The Donner Party of pioneers departs Springfield, Illinois, for California (that didn't end well).
1860 – The first Pony Express rider reaches San Francisco.
1865 – U.S. President Abraham Lincoln is shot in Ford's Theatre by John Wilkes Booth (died April 15th).
1912 – The British passenger liner RMS Titanic hits an iceberg in the North Atlantic at 23:40 (sinks morning of April 15th).
2015 - Percy Sledge American Singer passes away.

List of those who share Theodore's birthday:
1866 – Anne Sullivan, American educator (d. 1936)
1904 – John Gielgud, English actor, director, and producer (d. 2000)
1929 – Gerry Anderson, English director, producer, and screenwriter (d. 2012)
1941 – Pete Rose, American baseball player and manager
1960 – Brad Garrett, American comedian and actor
1966 – David Justice, American baseball player and sportscaster
1966 – Greg Maddux, American baseball player, coach, and manager
1968 – Anthony Michael Hall, American actor, director, and producer
1973 – Adrien Brody, American actor and producer
1996 – Abigail Breslin, American actress

So now, what should I call him? Reserving the right as Ojiichan to call my grand kids whatever I feel, here's my options:

Theodore - Beaver Cleaver, Theodoric Of York (Steve Martin sketch from the early days of SNL). A lot of sylables to get out and a pretty formal name. There's a high nostalgia factor in Leave It To Beaver and I loved the SNL sketches.

Theo - Theo Huxtable. Kind of cool, but for some reason doesn't feel right.

Thor - Norse God Of Thunder (may apply to an active boy), Marvel Comic Book Hero. Ariel's choice. Seriously cool sounding and heroic.

Ted - Ted Theodore Logan (Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure), Ted Buckland (Scrubs, Sad Sack lawyer). Lot's of positives here. Ted from Scrubs is a pretty funny but the real positive is the Bill And Ted reference. It's one of my favorite comedies, I can teach Ted the air guitar celebration while yelling "Excellent!" and when things don't work out, we can yell "Bogus!" It also has a great guiding motto for life: "Be excellent to each other and party on dudes!" I think we have a winner here. So, Ted it is. I can also call him Teddy when he's really little.

Reflecting on this time in my life, I see Ted's life and all of the possibilities. I pray that God will touch his life in a deep way. I hope that he will dream big and live it out. To that, I will leave the final word to Ted Buckland and the Worthless Peons and hopes that Teddy will find the Paradise that is somewhere, over the rainbow...

Somewhere over the rainbow

Way up high

And the dreams that you dreamed of

Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow

Blue birds fly

And the dreams that you dreamed of

Dreams really do come true ooh oh

Someday I'll wish upon a star

Wake up where the clouds are far behind me

Where trouble melts like lemon drops

High above the chimney tops

That's where you'll find me

Oh, somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly

And the dream that you dare to,

Oh why, oh why can't I?

Someday I'll wish upon a star,

Wake up where the clouds are far behind me

Where trouble melts like lemon drops

High above the chimney top

That's where you'll find me

Oh, somewhere over the rainbow way up high

And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I? I? 

But Those Dreams Have Remained And They've Turned Around

Amanda, Gabriel and Jiichan

The angel said to him, “I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news.
Luke 1:19

This is the moment where life and death meet. This is what we are - warriors. 
Worf - Star Trek: The Next Generation

There's so many emotions when it comes the birth of my second grandchild. Gabriel's life has been anything but ordinary. My daughter, Amanda, had severe complications at seven months that it required emergency c-section to keep her alive. At first, I was so scared for Gabriel. I knew he would be so little and his life would be at stake. But the little guy showed that he was tough and ready to enter the world and he would be able to survive just fine. Considering the circumstances, his progress has been extremely uneventful. He's just plain growing and getting stronger as the days go by. In my eyes, I see him as having the heart of a warrior. In geek terms, he has received the birthright of a true Klingon. To his successful arrival I give a hearty "Qaplah!"

The phoenix hope, can wing her way through the desert skies, and still defying fortune's spite; revive from ashes and rise.
Miguel de Cervantes

Gabriel's name was decided a while before his birth and so I find it quite prophetic that his middle name is Phoenix. It show so much of how God does bring forth things from the ashes and "rebirths" them. My grandson has been birthed from some very difficult circumstances. Like his mother, he has risen above. I can't say too much of how proud I am of him knowing that he is a fighter and survivor.

In honor of his birth, here's the list of interesting events and births on his day, April 26th:

1986 – A nuclear reactor accident occurs at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant in the Soviet Union (now Ukraine), creating the world's worst nuclear disaster.

Births
121 – Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor (d. 180)
1564 – William Shakespeare, English poet, playwright and actor (d. 1616)

1900 – Hack Wilson, American baseball player (d. 1948)

1942 – Bobby Rydell, American singer and actor
1943 – Gary Wright, American singer-songwriter, keyboard player
1955 – Mike Scott, American baseball player
1960 – Steve Lombardozzi, American baseball player and coach
1963 – Jet Li, Chinese-Singaporean martial artist, actor, and producer

1965 – Kevin James, American actor, screenwriter, and producer
1977 – Kosuke Fukudome, Japanese baseball player

Deaths
1984 – Count Basie, American pianist, composer, and bandleader (b. 1904)

1989 – Lucille Ball, American actress and producer (b. 1911)

I mention these two people's passing as they have a connection to the family. I share my birthday with Count Basie and was going to see his band perform at UC Davis in 1984. He took ill a few days before the performance and passed away soon after. Lucille Ball is by far my favorite comedienne as my mom, Gabriel's great grandmother had a very similar sense of humor. I hope that some of what was her, will be in him.

I have to admit that whenever I hear his name I track back to one of my favorite TV shows as a kid: Welcome Back Kotter. I guess the only Gabe I can think of is Gabe Kotter (aka Gabe Kaplan). The theme song for the show rings in my ear although very little of it could apply to my grandson. I guess that continues to reinforce that I'm becoming the old crazy grandpa!

My hope is that with a grandson, we can take in ball games, play catch, go to the gun range, ride motorcycles and play catch. I know that he's the son of two artists so he may end up being more interested in "right brain" things. That's just fine with me. I'm hoping whatever the activity is, it's quality time spent. I want him to know how much I love him and that through all of what he's already been through, I'm proud of him. He is my second generation Ichiro. I hope that he knows that he's number one in my heart.

My Friends Toasting And Sharing Cigars To Celebrate Gabriel's Birth

The Greatest Gift And Honor

My Beautiful Daughter, Amanda While She Was Carrying My Grandson, Gabriel

“Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea
    or walked in the recesses of the deep?
 Have the gates of death been shown to you?
    Have you seen the gates of the deepest darkness?
 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?
    Tell me, if you know all this."
Job 38:16-18

“Where is your faith?” He asked his disciples.
In fear and amazement they asked one another, “Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him.”
Luke 8:25

I believe I have had a truly unprecedented week. This is the type that changes so much of how your life is lived and your perspective on what priorities one has. With Amanda expecting her first child and my second granchild, my thoughts and expectations of my relationship with her were exciting and filled with anticipation. I knew she was carrying a boy and my thoughts of having someone to play catch with and ride motorcycles were my "happy thoughts". I know that he would likely be like his mom and dad and be more of an artist which I would enjoy as well, but of course I had some selfish hopes of my own. What thought never entered my mind was what would happen in the last week in April; something no parent ever fathoms. What started as some concerns and pain during pregnancy quickly unravelled into a major crisis.

Late in the week I was told that Amanda will need to be observed and tests would need to be done to be sure any of the pain wasn't serious. That led to a Friday night stay in the hospital with the thought that she would need constant observation. For some reason I felt at peace and that she would just get through this and in late June all would be well. I think your mind would like to believe that things are always precautionary and that we can control our outcomes with forward planning.

Saturday, April 26th would be for me the longest day of my life. It began with a phone call at 4AM saying that Amanda was having seizures and that an emergency c-section would need to be done. The news that they will "have to take the baby" put me in this heightened and helpless situation. Even with prayer and getting to a point of knowing the truth that God is in control and the outcomes are not ours to determine cannot mitigate the emotion or the mental preparation of the worst case scenario. I kept thinking of how I would deal with possibly never meeting Gabriel and the lost chance of playing catch with him. The thoughts were frightening as you think of the fragile life that was at stake. After what felt like an eternity I got the news that he was OK and that this should help Amanda recover from what was diagnosed as Eclampsia and HELLP. Already Jodi had booked an early morning flight to be out there with her. For the moment, I felt great. Amanda would get better, my grandson was doing well so when I get some rest I could celebrate Gabriel's birth.

The next piece of news broke any happiness I had. Amanda was getting worse and having more seizures. To be honest the timeline gets really fuzzy for me since I think my deep concern started to really give way to all of the fears a father can have. She had a brain clot that threatened her life and that emergency brain surgery would be needed. The procedure went a lot longer than they anticipated which only prolonged the agony of waiting. The news kept coming in small doses and with breaks that would only allow me to process some of the worst of the worst case scenarios.

When you're in this situation you really can't think straight. I also kept preparing for some of the worst possible things I could imagine. How much pain was she suffering through? What if she ends up a medical vegetable? What if she came out of this severely impaired? What if she ends up being an entirely different person from the girl I know and loved? The worst of all, what if she died? Could I find a way to move past this? Could I even face the possibility of burying my beloved daughter? I am so thankful to so many friends who were kind enough to talk me through this, think for me and just hang out with me. The friends I have are second to none.

I finally got the news late in the night that she survived. They had not been able to remove the clot so they removed a portion of her skull to relieve pressure on her brain. How she would fair after this is anyone's guess. The doctors recommended one week just to get her "out of the woods" (it's just too hard to say what that means but it's pretty obvious). My prayers during this time went along the lines of trust with a tinge of pleading. I know that God is good and I can accept His will and plan even if it ended up being painful but I prayed that He would grant me just one more minute with the Amanda I knew and loved. I delight in her and her wonderful personality. I wanted to enjoy even just one more time with her that way.

Sunday through Thursday was mostly spent waiting and hearing some good news. Jodi sent me a picture of her out of surgery that was painful to see. Even if you know just how bad things will look, when it's your own daughter any pragmatic logic goes out the window. Seeing her with all sorts of tubes and wires attached to her and bandages wrapped around her is so difficult to see but also necessary. I needed to see my little girl no matter how difficult it was. I booked a flight to see her for Friday hoping that she would make it through the week. Thankfully, each day came some good news: she's breathing on her own; she responds to voice commands; she recognizes people. These were baby steps that were like drops of refreshing water in the desert. On Friday, as I prepared to leave I called to check in. I got the question: "Would you like to talk to her?" I was happily shocked. I said "Yes, definitely!" For a few minutes I got to hear her beautiful voice. It was like I was floating and suddenly peaceful. After so many sleepless nights, I suddenly had a burst of energy. God granted me not only one more minute with her, He was blessing me with the joy of Amanda being back!

I knew things would be alright when I could see that she could still work her iPhone

Walking on her own!!!

Our visit was filled with lots of conversation and the absolute joy of meeting her newborn son, Gabriel. We talked about things, joked around and she even got up and walked! I write this with a huge smile on my face and choking back some tears. God has not only spared her, He's performing a miracle before my eyes. This is God's blessing in action. I am in awe and I praise Him.

Going forward there are so many challenges ahead. But knowing that my daughter and grandson are improving makes everything pale in comparison. Adjustments will have to be made.

In one conversation with her I recalled one moment in one of my favorite Disney films, Mulan. There's a deeper sense of family and love in this film that makes it stand out above the others. Mulan is a classic square peg who triumphs through adversity. With it she becomes a hero and receives the gift of Shan Yu's (the villain in the story) sword and the honor of the Emperor's Crest. when she returns home to present the gift and honor to her father, Fa Zhou, his response is powerful and one I shared with Amanda. I believe that any father of a daughter can resonate his words:

"The Greatest Gift And Honor Is Having You For A Daughter"
Fa Zhou

I could never say it any better. Amanda is an amazing gift from God and it is an honor that I have the role of her father. I only have had this magnified to me through some very serious adversity.

Number Two Is Also Number One

Your first picture!

Mom And Dad Hanging Out.
I hope that we have lots of times hanging out as a family!

To My Second Grandchild,
Hello, this is your grandfather or Jiichan as you will likely call me. I want you to know that it was such a great surprise to hear that God had created you. Your mommy texted me with the great news and since I was on the road, we spent an hour on the phone, talking about the exciting thought of you coming into our lives. You have made me twice the grandpa (as your mommy has said) which is truly an amazing thought.

Your Mommy On Her Wedding Day. Isn't She Beautiful?

Mommy Is Carrying You In This Picture

I want you to know that I love you even though we haven't met just yet. Why do I know this? Because you are part of a very special and beautiful person (your mommy). I loved her so much as a little girl and love even more that she's a grown woman. Also, you were created by God as a special blessing to the whole family. I know that you will bring us all joy and happiness just because you are who you are.

Some Great Times With Your Mom: Motorcycles And Gun Ranges!

I want you to know some things about your Jiichan. Unlike your mommy and daddy, I am not an artist. They have both taught me a lot about art and beauty that God has created but I'm mostly into sports (basketball, hockey, baseball and football), geeky things (Star Wars, Star Trek, engineering) and motorcycles. Your mommy and I love to ride motorcycles together and go to gun ranges. I hope that we can do the same when you're a little older. As Jiichan know that there will be many times when we can spend together doing things that you like and I'll be sure to spoil you with lots of gifts. Most of all I hope to share with you the love that God has shown to all of us. He has the greatest gifts for all of us since He is our Father. Like all good Fathers, He loves us a lot (actually more than your parents or me).

Mom In Her Prom Dress

A Cool Portrait Mom Drew Of Our Dog Mazie

Mom And Jiichan At Homecoming

I wanted to especially write to you since you are my second grandchild. Sometimes it sounds bad that we are second. As your great grandpa used to say about poker, the worst hand is the second best one (I'll explain that some other time, but that has to do with the Nakamura tradition of playing poker at all family gatherings). Anyway, I want you to know something very important: number two is still number one to me. What that means is even though your cousin Maddie was born first and I love her, I love you just as much as I love her. Your mommy is my second child, but I love her just as much as her older sister, Auntie Ariel. They are both my daughters and are very special to me. In the same way, you are very special to me and I love you just as much as Maddie. Because of that, you're still number one (ichiban)!
So look forward to times when we can share stories, eat baked cookies and laugh together. I can't wait!
Love,
Jiichan

Looking Back On 2013: Walking In Jake Holman's Shoes

Warning: Spoilers for the movie "The Sand Pebbles" below!

Reflecting on the previous year (in this case, 2013) is something many people do at this time of year. For me, I thought of the movie "The Sand Pebbles" and Steve McQueen's character Jake Holman.
First, I'd like to give my kudos to Steve McQueen. When I was a kid, he was the coolest guy on the planet. I loved watching him in movies like Bullitt (cop), The Great Escape (soldier), and The Magnificent Seven (gunfighter). From what I heard, he was an avid motorcycle rider which I could really appreciate as well. He also fits into the quintessential American template: tough, cynical, rebellious, resourceful, and gritty. For some reason guys like him, Clint Eastwood, Humphrey Bogart, and yes, Bug Bunny resonate with me.

Watching "The Sand Pebbles" as a kid I enjoyed the action but not fully understanding the social and political issues that it was addressing. I also didn't give much thought to the personal growth of Jake Holman, Steve McQueen's character. He starts his new assignment as chief engineer of the San Pablo which is part of a peacekeeping force in 1926 China (during its revolution). His desire is to only do his job, working on a machine that is predictable and in many ways simple. I can relate to this as a software engineer, there's no emotion and only instructions and algorithms that drive a computer. What's difficult for Holman and for me in 2013 is that the social, political (in his case), emotional and relational complexities will take our simple world and cause us to question, feel, challenge and change our perceptions in life. Jake has to decide how he's going to react to the growing tensions with his shipmates, with the missionaries and with the revolutionaries who are all in conflict. Along the way he ends up shooting his close friend to end the torture he's enduring. He also has to decide where his loyalties truly lie. All of this is happening during a shifting landscape of a country in turmoil. 2013 for me felt a lot like that as I dealt with my own emotional frailties, my own personal failures, health issues (shingles) and relationship problems while activities around me (the birth of my first grandchild, the sickness and passing of my father, the sudden death of my cousin, being fired from a ministry position that I poured my heart into) continued to shift the landscape of my life.

"I was home. What happened? What the hell happened?"
Jake Holman: The Sand Pebbles

Ecclesiastes 1:17-18
Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind. For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.

One of the most obvious things that both Holman and I experience is pain. In the past few years I've been trying more and more to live by my heart. That can have incredible highs like the awesomeness of holding Maddie, my granddaughter. It also means fully feeling the depth of pain. Holman's quote is his dying words and shows his longing for what is safe and familiar. I kept remembering this quote during some of my dark times this year. Holman is shot and killed in a foreign country basically behind enemy lines - home will never again be his. For me, I had to let go of my childhood home when we sold it after my dad's passing. Sometimes in the shock of pain you will wonder just what is going on; that happened quite often for me this year.

My Childhood Home

We all try to avoid pain. We insulate ourselves from it, deny it and medicate ourselves from it. I'm being taught right now to try find the positives in pain. It's a hard process since pain is sometimes unbearable. I know that pain is one of God's most powerful teachers and in some way His love can shine through it. I admit that I am truly still learning how to apply this. Somewhere inside of the pain we can find some rays of light into the reasons behind what is happening.
I was once told that Jake Holman's name has a double meaning. By the end of the film he has in fact become a much more "whole man". The simple questions and denial of the heart are slowly replaced with new feelings, thoughts and ideals. He is much more in touch with his heart because of the combat, conflict and loss he has experienced. My hope is (as I bid farewell to 2013) is that perhaps my personal growth mirrors his (I'd also like to hope I'm just as cool as he is too!): a Whole Man.

Finally, Happy New Year, 2014 to all! May you find God's path to wholeness each and every day.