Looking Back On 2013: Walking In Jake Holman's Shoes

Warning: Spoilers for the movie "The Sand Pebbles" below!

Reflecting on the previous year (in this case, 2013) is something many people do at this time of year. For me, I thought of the movie "The Sand Pebbles" and Steve McQueen's character Jake Holman.
First, I'd like to give my kudos to Steve McQueen. When I was a kid, he was the coolest guy on the planet. I loved watching him in movies like Bullitt (cop), The Great Escape (soldier), and The Magnificent Seven (gunfighter). From what I heard, he was an avid motorcycle rider which I could really appreciate as well. He also fits into the quintessential American template: tough, cynical, rebellious, resourceful, and gritty. For some reason guys like him, Clint Eastwood, Humphrey Bogart, and yes, Bug Bunny resonate with me.

Watching "The Sand Pebbles" as a kid I enjoyed the action but not fully understanding the social and political issues that it was addressing. I also didn't give much thought to the personal growth of Jake Holman, Steve McQueen's character. He starts his new assignment as chief engineer of the San Pablo which is part of a peacekeeping force in 1926 China (during its revolution). His desire is to only do his job, working on a machine that is predictable and in many ways simple. I can relate to this as a software engineer, there's no emotion and only instructions and algorithms that drive a computer. What's difficult for Holman and for me in 2013 is that the social, political (in his case), emotional and relational complexities will take our simple world and cause us to question, feel, challenge and change our perceptions in life. Jake has to decide how he's going to react to the growing tensions with his shipmates, with the missionaries and with the revolutionaries who are all in conflict. Along the way he ends up shooting his close friend to end the torture he's enduring. He also has to decide where his loyalties truly lie. All of this is happening during a shifting landscape of a country in turmoil. 2013 for me felt a lot like that as I dealt with my own emotional frailties, my own personal failures, health issues (shingles) and relationship problems while activities around me (the birth of my first grandchild, the sickness and passing of my father, the sudden death of my cousin, being fired from a ministry position that I poured my heart into) continued to shift the landscape of my life.

"I was home. What happened? What the hell happened?"
Jake Holman: The Sand Pebbles

Ecclesiastes 1:17-18
Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind. For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.

One of the most obvious things that both Holman and I experience is pain. In the past few years I've been trying more and more to live by my heart. That can have incredible highs like the awesomeness of holding Maddie, my granddaughter. It also means fully feeling the depth of pain. Holman's quote is his dying words and shows his longing for what is safe and familiar. I kept remembering this quote during some of my dark times this year. Holman is shot and killed in a foreign country basically behind enemy lines - home will never again be his. For me, I had to let go of my childhood home when we sold it after my dad's passing. Sometimes in the shock of pain you will wonder just what is going on; that happened quite often for me this year.

My Childhood Home

We all try to avoid pain. We insulate ourselves from it, deny it and medicate ourselves from it. I'm being taught right now to try find the positives in pain. It's a hard process since pain is sometimes unbearable. I know that pain is one of God's most powerful teachers and in some way His love can shine through it. I admit that I am truly still learning how to apply this. Somewhere inside of the pain we can find some rays of light into the reasons behind what is happening.
I was once told that Jake Holman's name has a double meaning. By the end of the film he has in fact become a much more "whole man". The simple questions and denial of the heart are slowly replaced with new feelings, thoughts and ideals. He is much more in touch with his heart because of the combat, conflict and loss he has experienced. My hope is (as I bid farewell to 2013) is that perhaps my personal growth mirrors his (I'd also like to hope I'm just as cool as he is too!): a Whole Man.

Finally, Happy New Year, 2014 to all! May you find God's path to wholeness each and every day.

Christ The Action Hero

Late August is a cool time to have a birthday. When I was a kid, it was a last hurrah before "back to school" became a sad reality. These past few years, those at Lionsgate have decided that late August was the perfect time to release The Expendables and its sequel, the creatively named The Expendables 2. It means that the question "What do you want to do on your birthday?" is any easy answer for me. I want to see a loud movie with some good old buddies from the past: Sly, Arnold, Bruce, Jet, Dolph, Jean Claude, Chuck and Jason.
The premise behind the Expendables is about as subtle as a jackhammer. It involves killing, explosions, killing, fist fights, killing, automatic weapons, killing, blood, killing, gore and killing. The plot is about as deep as puddle of water. Half of the stars have heavy accents (Jet, Arnold, Dolph and Jean Claude) that make them completely unintelligible the rest mumble and grunt their lines in an equally unintelligible way. I love it. For some reason, it gets my blood pumping. It's great to see bad guys meet their gory demise at the hands of some steroid pumped middle aged maniacs. Perhaps the simplicity of knowing who's the bad guy and who's the good guy can be refreshing in this post modern world we live in. What I also realized is that on the most basic level it has elements that all men crave for. We all need to belong with a bunch of like minded guys. We crave adventure (loud exploding and combative adventure) righting the wrongs of the world. We like having command over powerful things (grenades, Uzis, rocket launchers). I think that deep down we know that there's a fight to be fought and an evil to conquer and talking about our feelings isn't always the answer.

In looking back in cinema, even if the hero isn't a life sized action figure, Hollywood seems to have connected with that deep need in men's lives. The 80's had Rambo, John McClane and The Terminator. Going further back there was Dirty Harry, John Wayne, The Lone Ranger, Superman and one of my favorites Humphrey Bogart. The window dressing changes with the times, but each of them had something fierce within them. When looking at Christ I'm beginning to see that this is an ignored part of His character. Sadly for men, it weakens the appeal of the most important man to walk the earth. This in turn has seriously damaged the church. If we continue to see Jesus as a bearded guy in a white dress, it will continue to turn men away from the One who can truly engage us as men.

One thing that all these action stars have is some sort of code of ethics. Around our house I'm apt to ask "What's Gibbs' rule number nine?" This is in reference to the TV show NCIS whose lead is played by Mark Harmon. Gibbs' life is directed by a set of rules (by the way the answer is "Never go anywhere without a knife."). That's a rule that I want all my kids to follow. It means to be prepared (sound familiar?). A code is a great and simple way to find direction since life always has surprises.

I've read that Clayton Moore who is best known for playing the Lone Ranger was so deeply impressed with the character that he took on the Lone Ranger's code of ethics for his own life:
"I believe...

• that to have a friend, a man must be one.
• that all men are created equal and that everyone has within himself the power to make this a better world.
• that God put the firewood there, but that every man must gather and light it himself.
• in being prepared physically, mentally, and morally to fight when necessary for that which is right.
• that a man should make the most of what equipment he has.
• that 'this government of the people, by the people, and for the people' shall live always.
• that men should live by the rule of what is best for the greatest number.
• that sooner or later...somewhere...somehow...we must settle with the world and make payment for what we have taken.
• that all things change but truth, and that truth alone, lives on forever.
• in my Creator, my country, my fellow man."

That's pretty darn impressive. I'm considering using this one from the movie "Kingdom Of Heaven":
"Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Be brave and upright, that God may love thee. Speak the truth always, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong; that is your oath."
Best of all would be to find something from Proverbs or The Sermon On The Mount as this is pure wisdom. A life verse of course works well too. I love Hebrews 12:1-3:
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Like I said before Humphrey Bogart is one of my favorite actors. Although he's played the bad guy, the crazy guy, and the coward, he's most famous for his heroic characters: Rick from Casablanca, Sam Spade in the Maltese Falcon, Charlie Allnut in The African Queen and Phillip Marlowe in The Big Sleep. There's a sense of cool about him. He's the smartest guy in the room. He knows how to talk his way around things, shoot his way out of things and punch his way through things. There's a quiet confidence about him. I heard one guy lament how he wished he could have that sort of air about him. Not a phony facade, but a deep and settled peace that affected others. When I read the gospels now, I see that in Christ. No, he didn't punch people out, but he knew how to confront and even trash some scenery. Deep inside of Him is a fierce, tough confidence that should connect to all men. He feared no one and commanded respect. That's cool!

Back to the Expendables, I continue to marvel at how satisfying it is to just go out and kick butt. My therapist once said that I needed to find ways of being more of a bada** (he is a Christian by the way). Whether it's Jet Li doing some serious kung fu, Arnold cracking skulls, or Stallone raining bullets from an assault rifle, there's something really deep (and dare I say spiritual) about action. God has called men to confront evil. Sadly we're wrongly taught to only be nice boys who get along with everyone. There's a time for that and a time to fight (I think Solomon said something like that). What would happen if we let our sons and young men be fierce for Christ? If we instead of relegating them to virtual Xbox battles had them go out and really engage the world? Would it be scary, messy, dangerous and at times choatic? You bet! I also think that we would have stronger churches and Christ's power would be far more obvious to the world. Let's find ways to break free from our cultural norms!

Perhaps it would be a shock to many that Christ was the ultimate man. He was tough beyond our imagination, a "manly" man who could take on anything. He is nothing like the bearded guy in a white dress that we see so often in the church. Knowing that is a game changer for me. Beyond "little baby Jesus", the suffering Savior, and the Lamb Of God, He is a Warrior, and a Lion. I got to be up close with a lion once and it scared the life out of me. This was an awesome creature that possessed the power to crush and kill me in about a second. That is the One I want to be on my side in a fight: cool, fierce, grounded, tough and in command.
THE LION OF JUDAH!