Something Is Sweeter 'Cause We Met Along The Way

Ephesian 3:20-21
"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

"Happy, happy, happy."
Phil Robertson

Random thoughts from a new grandfather...

First I have to say Happy Birthday to my beautiful and amazing granddaughter Madeline Brow. Welcome to the wonderful and crazy world that God has created for us! After the year that I have been through (losing my dad, losing my cousin, having shingles), Little Maddie, as I'm going to call her, is a very welcome gift from God.

From Wikipedia, here are some people that share a birthday with Maddie:
1903 – Walter O'Malley, American lawyer and businessman (d. 1979)
1940 – John Lennon, English singer-songwriter, musician, and producer (d. 1980)
1940 – Joe Pepitone, American baseball player
1944 – John Entwistle, English singer-songwriter, bass player, and producer (The Who) (d. 2002) (I got to see The Who on my birthday only a few months before Entwistle passed away)
1948 – Jackson Browne, German-American singer-songwriter and guitarist (Nitty Gritty Dirt Band)
1953 – Tony Shalhoub, American actor (Monk)
1954 – Scott Bakula, American actor (Quantum Leap, Star Trek: Enterprise)

1958 – Michael Pare, American actor

1958 – Mike Singletary, American football player
1960 – Maddie Blaustein, American actress (d. 2008)
1962 – Ōnokuni Yasushi, Japanese sumo wrestler, the 62nd Yokozuna
1970 – Kenny Anderson, American basketball player
1975 – Sean Lennon, American singer-songwriter, guitarist, producer, and actor (and John Lennon's son)
One notable event occurred on October 9th: The Cincinnati Reds win the 1919 World Series over the Chicago "Black Sox".

Last night, the San Jose Sharks (the team Ariel, Maddie's mom, and I follow) gave Maddie and early birthday present with a 9-2 win over the New York Rangers. 19 year old Thomas Hertl scored four goals including one of the most amazing goals in hockey history:

Looking back the whole process started with the stunning news of my new found role as a grandpa. I was driving to the mall for some reason and just got into the parking lot. I'm thankful I was parked since I think that I would have put my car in a ditch if I was on the road. Ariel just said the words, "You're going to be a grandpa!" I think she thought I would react, but I was in stunned silence. It was like I was hit by a tidal wave. There was so much emotion: happy, excited, scared, and old. Steely Dan's "Reelin' In The Years" was playing in my head. I wish that I could have reacted more excited for Ariel, but I think I was in shock. It was a good shock, and after a moment it felt really good.

The next big news was finding out the baby is a girl and her name is Madeline (I'm going to call her Maddie or Little Maddie). I think that Ariel was connecting the name to those wonderful children stories of the little French girl Madeline. For some strange reason I kept connecting the name to the TV show Moonlighting which had the character Madeline Hayes. I think that's the first time I really heard the term Maddie used for the name Madeline. No matter what, I really love hearing the name. It now reminds me of someone very special to me.

My new motto!

Going forward I am looking forward to being a grandpa. Wow, that word still is going to take time to get used to. I'm wondering what memories we're going to have together? I'm looking forward to Maddie giving me a hug. Maybe she'll like hockey or ride motorcycles. Perhaps she'll be more into ballet and reading. To be honest I don't care. I hope I can read stories with her or eat ice cream with her at the mall. I like the thought of being able to spoil her with gifts and have lots of fun with her. I hope laughing is one of our favorite things to do together. Some day, I'll get to see her in a prom dress and tell her how beautiful she is. Even further down the line I can see her in a wedding dress and tell how proud I am of her. These are awesome thoughts that make me long for times to bond with her.

It's so strange to think how fast this has happened. Somewhere between graduating college and now, I've had three kids coming and going through my life and today a grandchild enters the picture. Being middle aged forces us to face the past and the future with some sobering thoughts: past triumphs and epic failures; great moments and missed opportunities; exciting challenges ahead and facing your own mortality. There's a lot there to take in. Somehow a little baby grandchild can put it all into perspective. She provides so much hope for the future, a legacy and another life to influence. She shows me that life will continue on even when I'm long gone and a distant memory. She will also carry a shadow of my self (both good and bad) in her. These are awesome thoughts.

So today I venture out to a new realm and new title. With it comes all of the joys and challenges. It will somehow be an adventure.

We'll walk by night, we'll fly by day...

After having to remove my dad from my address book, it was nice to add this to my calendar.

More pictures:

For Every Generation There Is A Gap

Deuteronomy 6:6-9
"These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates."

Since my dad's passing, I have heard many people tell me of how much of a role model, mentor and shining example my dad was to them. This included those he coached, those who worked for him and some friends. I heard how he mentored those who worked for him and that he taught them how to excel as an engineer. I hear how his coaching went beyond the game and how peers of mine received teaching that prepared them for life. It's funny that I just never felt that from him. Part of it is my selfishness or the fact that we don't appreciate those closest to you, but I found that this feeling is almost universal between father and son. This sort of realization gave me a deep empty feeling. My dad was a good man in most respects. We always had a roof over our heads and food on the table. I learned a lot of things from my dad from throwing a spiral, to algebra to performing an oil change on a car. Somehow, if he did it, I missed the affirmation I deeply needed.

Even my friend Pete Damianakes mentioned when he hears that type of compliment about his dad (who I mentioned earlier), Pete didn't feel that he got the same type of affirmation from him. It's so strange that I felt that from his dad but he seemed to have missed out on it. It also makes stop and wonder what my kids think of my parenting and the gaps that they have because of me. Perhaps it's an impossibility, but ideally your dad should be the hero, mentor and guide that you remember most as the one who was "there for you". Sadly, for many it's someone else or nobody at all.

Several times I have mentioned the fact that our relationship with our dads and our sons leaves "gaps" in our lives. What we need and crave for from our dad is not provided and so we end up with missing emotional pieces that I think is best described as gaps. What this leads to is all sorts of addictions, passivity, anger and fear. At this point in my life, I'm really wishing I didn't go through all of my years with so many gaps. I never have felt that it was my dad's fault, but for some reason, there's a disconnect and it passes down through each generation.

To all of this I go back to the one truth. We need a real Father who is perfect. He has to be powerful but also very much patient, forgiving, loving and compassionate. I continually ask the question of what would my ideal father look like. I can see my dad has some of these qualities but I also long for the qualities that he lacked. I know that he was human and thus flawed and so I don't hold it against him. What I do know is that only God can fulfill the role of my perfect ideal of a father. I know that concept from the first time heard the Gospel, but only later in life after I have lived life as a son and dad do I really understand the depth and transforming truth of knowing that God is my true Father. All others are imperfect (even if they were great in many respects) and will leave us with emotional gaps. This process of knowing our perfect Father and the healing that He provides is a life long process as he fills the gaps. I really long for the day when there are no more gaps to be filled.

 

Call Me Ojiichan

The first picture of my first grandchild!

To my first grandchild,

Hello! My name is James Nakamura but to you I'm grandpa (or ojiichan if you'd like to use the Japanese term). I know it will be a few months before we actually meet but know that the moment that I heard that God had created you, I loved you. When your mommy told me about you for the first time I was happy and stunned. You see, sometimes the best surprises in the whole world are almost too much to emotionally understand. This was the case when I heard of you. I was so happy to know that you were created, but it was such a happy moment I almost couldn't handle all of the feelings.

There's so much I wish I could tell you, but we have a whole life together to talk about these things so I won't overwhelme you with too much stuff.

So here are a few things I'd like you to know:

You have the best mommy in the whole world. When she was a little girl, she was so special to me (and still is!). She loved to hold my hand and tell me all the things that were going on with her. As she grew older I could always see that she loved God and was so incredibly loyal. She's really well read, loves talking with people and likes to do crafts and cook. All of those great qualities you get to enjoy as she raises you. She was even nice enough to go and watch sports with grandpa. I hope that some day we will do the same. You will of course have lots of San Jose Sharks and San Francisco Giants memorabilia in your life courtesy of me!

Your daddy is a great man of God. He was brave enough to serve his country to help protect us from people who want to hurt us. He also likes geeky things (like your grandpa) so you will be subjected to hearing about scifi (Star Trek, Star Wars) and over analysing of everything. He will also teach you to fly fish and is a good craftsman. I know those times learning from him will be very special!

As for grandpa, I promise you that you will have lots of ice cream, presents, and hugs! I'm excited to be the one who can do these things because that's what grandpas are for. We get to hear all the neat things you do in life and get to cheer you on in any activity that you try. Know that I will be so proud of you. I will be your biggest fan! I want you to know that I'm new to being ojiichan. Because of this, I will make mistakes. I hope that you will forgive me when I mess things up because I'm still learning too! I'm excited that we can learn things together and that most of our times will be happy ones full of laughter!

Most importantly, I will share as much as I can about your loving Heavenly Father. He created you and no matter how much I love you, He loves you more. He loved you so much that He would send His Son to teach us important things and even die for all the bad stuff we do. I know I will have a hard time remembering any bad things that you might do, but God actually erases them so we don't have anything guilt of being bad. Isn't that the most amazing thing (even more amazing than you!)?

I hope that you will read this letter when you are older and that we can remember a lot of good times together. I also hope that you feel as much love from me as I feel for you. May we have lots of sunsets, sporting events, movie nights, and inside jokes!

Love,
Grandpa/Ojiichan

Planes To Catch And Bills To Pay

"And the Cats in the Cradle and the Silver Spoon
Little Boy Blue and the Man In The Moon
'When you coming home, dad,' 'I don't know when,'"
Harry Chapin - The Cats And The Cradle

Harry Chapin charted this song when I was about 8. It's such a bittersweet song. I remember as a kid that Brandon Cruz (of The Courtship Of Eddies Father fame) crying when he found out that Harry Chapin was going to perform that song live for him. I totally get it. Even then and even more now that song hits at the heart of where we are at as boys; as teens; as young men; as fathers; and as older men. Living through those stages, it hits home. We men just don't make the time for what's important. Jobs, mowing the lawn, church leadership, you name it gets in the way. When you figure that out, it's usually too late. By then, your son is dealing with the same stresses that kept you from him. I just wish I could stop things and find that perfect moment to tell Fox that I love him; that I'm proud of him; and that he has what it takes to thrive in this world. The problem is that even if I do, it doesn't seem to sink in. That's not an indictment on him, but more just how things are.
This all comes together as I live in middle life land. Right now I'm on a plane heading to see my dad. Although a picture of health for a man of his age, he didn't know that he was hemorrhaging around his brain. It resulted in a stroke. I am so thankful that he survived and has rehabilitated to the point of moving on to assisted living. I thought of how I now have to be on the other side of providing care. Not that I mind it, but I am concerned how that will be a paradigm shift for me and that I'll have to emotionally work it out. I also stop and think that our time on earth together is a lot less than I realized.
My dad comes from a very different era. He also is partially influenced indirectly from the Japanese culture his dad came from. I fully understand this and accept it. It doesn't prevent me from longing for that depth in relationship that God designed us to have. I know that men of his culture and era just aren't that in touch with their feelings or comfortable expressing them. I know that there are gaps in my life because of this and again, I don't blame my dad for that. It is these the burdens that bring me to my knees longing for my Heavenly Father.

Hospital Visits:
Seeing my dad in a weakened state is tough to see. Even though I knew this is the way it was going to be, it's nothing compared to when you see it first hand. I'm now the one instructing him and encouraging him. It's such a shift in mindset. Also, I'm working hard to find the balance of taking charge and helping without dishonoring or disrespecting my dad. He will need to learn to use a walker and spend considerable time in a wheelchair. There's hope that he could fully recover but also he could plateau and require assistance the rest of his life.

The most beautiful moment was when my uncle (my dad's closest brother) spent time with him. Here are two men who have been in a close relationship longer than any other people in their lives. I think they must have had countless wrestling matches, games of playing catch and quiet moments fishing together. Today, my uncle takes the time to carefully clip his fingernails. In most ways this is such a common thing to do, but for one who has suffered a stroke, it is a very difficult task. My uncle gently takes my dad's hands and takes care of a basic grooming need. I feel like I saw something so wonderful and intimate - two brothers who love each other and one demonstrating his love in such a tangible and caring way. I am blessed to have an uncle who will stand up for my dad.
I spent the large parts of the days learning how to help my dad. Again, I am continually trying to find a respective but helpful mindset when working with my dad. I'm helping him get in and out of bed, his wheel chair, and a car. I have to ask him when he needs to go the bathroom. I'm sure it's humbling for him and even a bit embarrassing but he understands the goal is to recover and so he soldiers on. It is the great blessing of his character and the age he grew up in. He has experienced a great deal of hardship (working on a farm, living through the depression, World War II, Internment, and losing loved ones). I sense a settled peace in this challenge. I'm very proud that I am his son.

My good friend Frank Prats

Relocating to assisted living:
There is a sense of great responsibility when it came to be having the assignment of moving my dad to assisted living. First I had to furnish his residence. A true testament of the Body Of Christ was that with one phone call to my good friend Frank Prats I was able to secure a truck and two men to help with the heavy lifting. It all went very smoothly.During this time anybody who provides that kind of support is a blessing. I am so thankful Moving some of the furniture included pieces that literally haven't left their respective rooms for over 50 years. Many pieces are older than me. This also provides some security in the familiar for my dad. My brother Robert was there to help arrange the place and put things away. That was nice to have.
If moving inanimate objects is a challenge think of the responsibility of moving your invalid father. This was a step beyond training as it was in my hands and my hands only. I packed his stuff along with his newly acquired walker and wheel chair. For the first time I helped my dad maneuver into a car unassisted. Again, the weight of my responsibility was hitting me. Thankfully, it went well. The drive did tire my dad out but we made the 80 minute trip without a hitch.

Arriving and admitting went well. I had a huge amount of information to disseminate (another huge responsibility!). It also required me to focus on the care of the staff (which looks excellent). I realize after being responsible and in charge in these past few days I now have to make the next shift, to releasing much of the control and let the staff take over. Change is a challenge for me so I went through a lot of challenges this week. I can't imagine how my dad feels through all of this change. Once again, God showed up in a literally sweet way. Dad's first dinner at the facility included cream puffs for dessert. If you've read my other blog post, you will know that cream puffs were a specialty of my mom. It was like God was telling me personally that it is all good with Him and that He is in control. We are all family and with a few special touchstones (like cream puffs) we'll get through this together. I am so humbled by all of this.
My hope is that I will see my dad fully recovered. He can then go back to walking with the group of dog walkers in his neighborhood and hit the golf links sometime before dawn with his friends. No matter what, I know that my time with him is limited so I'll be sure to make more time to savor his love, warmth and kindness.
"We'll get together then, you know we'll have a good time then..."

Second Intermission: My Thoughts On Our Season So Far

We are now three quarters through the season. I realize just how time consuming it is to coach a high school basketball team, have an engineering job and still have all of life's chores to keep. If you follow this blog, you notice that I haven't been writing as much since the season started. I would also say that the time commitment has been worth it. I see the great privilege I have to teach, encourage and lead these fine young men. They are some of the best that any man could ever want as a son. Many of them are high caliber basketball players and all have worked very hard to improve on their skills. I see them becoming men of God who can impact and lead in this world. As a coach I hope that I can impart whatever has been given to me from God and other men who have impacted my life. I also hope I don't blow it as I feel the great responsibility of this position.

Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

I can't say enough about the assistant coaches I have working with me. Mark and Bruce are the highest quality of Godly men who keep me grounded and humble. Beyond that I can think of many times when their basketball input was invaluable. Bruce came up with the defensive scheme that helped us take on one of the top teams in this area and kept us close the whole way. Mark once spotted that a team's press was focused too much on the middle of the court and the sidelines were wide open. Stuff like that can elude me and they have the insight to countless occurences that helped the team. More than anything, I feel like we're on the same page with what we want to accomplish with the team. Leading them to see teamwork, hard work, fighting through adversity and winning shows the characteristics that God desires for the team to have in life. I am deeply indebted to these men for the help, wisdom and friendship.

Looking back in life, I see that one thing that I like to do is be analytical when it comes to watching sports. Perhaps it's because I was mostly a bench warmer or perhaps it has to do with my "geeky" side. Anyway, I find myself very much alive during the games. Seeing things and figuring out how best to get the most out of the team is really invigorating. I also love seeing the team succeed. It's funny, my competitive side is really strong, but I'm more passionate about the boys being able to succeed than just getting the win. I want so bad for them to get the taste of victory that comes from working hard as a team.

Running Rick Torbett's Read And React offense continues to amaze me. I continue to get compliments about how the offense flows. When it works and the team runs it well, it's a beautiful thing to behold. It's a scheme that can't be scouted and works well against all defenses. After two seasons, I think we're getting more and more into it. I realize that it requires a lot of conditioning to run this. With comfortability I hope that we can learn to outwork the opposition and hunt for those scoring chances. My secret hope is to see multiple staggered screens come to fruition. Then I'll be a little kid again watching  Rick Barry at Oracle Arena.

We now have installed four defenses. We have the standard 2-3 zone that work well against bigger teams. I maybe too stubborn to use it a lot. Perhaps it's so familiar I want to give the team's a different look. The chaser is something I really enjoy watching. It confuses teams and can really be effective. It's a matchup zone that requires an long athletic "chaser". I'm so glad we have two players who fit that role well. I'm surprised that we have been very effective in man to man. Considering the team's youth and relative lack of size, we have done quite well in it. I use it a lot more than I expected. It just goes to show how mature our team has become. We just added a half court trap. Right now, it's a work in progress. I think I need some tweaks to get it to work better. My hope is that this can work well when we're down and also get us some momentum at times.

Our practices were getting stale (as they usually do during the season). I'm so glad I read up on some coaches boards as one gave me the great idea of making practices a competition. Keeping score of each drill has taken the intensity and focus to a new level. I've even said the team that "wins" the practice is the starting team for the next game. Competition is in a man's DNA. It just took one tweak to bring it out and give our practices the next level of intensity that I was looking for. Nice to see the team completely gassed after a practice. I'm hoping they will see there's always a next level to achieve.

Isaiah 30:20
Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them.

Friday was perhaps a significant day for team team. We played Christian Academy of Knoxville which is ranked number 6 in East Tennessee. They have two players who have Division 1 scholarships and their best player is an underclassman. They have first class facilities and it was senior night. Considering we have a a small talent pool, no facilities and an all volunteer staff, games like this one can become embarrassing very fast. Not so tonight. We had the lead at the half. It was close for most of the third quarter. The coach tried at least four different defenses to stop us. I could tell the home crowd was very concerned. Sadly, they did wear us down and we ended up losing. But we gained so much more: we earned the respect of everybody in that gym; we proved to ourselves that we belong with one of the best in the area; and we do have a next level that we can achieve. I can never say I'm glad we lost a game, but it was something to behold knowing what we proved. It's like the first Rocky movie: he loses the fight but wins something deeper and more gratifying. I even got a my fan boy moment when Atlee Hammaker (former San Francisco Giants pitcher) took the time to come up to me to say how impressed he was with the team. I count that as a little gift from God that would mean something to me.

We are 10-20 right now but take away losses to the 2A and private schools and we're very close to .500. We are ranked #10 in the Southeast for home school programs! With four sophomore, five juniors and one senior, the future is bright!

Christ The Action Hero

Late August is a cool time to have a birthday. When I was a kid, it was a last hurrah before "back to school" became a sad reality. These past few years, those at Lionsgate have decided that late August was the perfect time to release The Expendables and its sequel, the creatively named The Expendables 2. It means that the question "What do you want to do on your birthday?" is any easy answer for me. I want to see a loud movie with some good old buddies from the past: Sly, Arnold, Bruce, Jet, Dolph, Jean Claude, Chuck and Jason.
The premise behind the Expendables is about as subtle as a jackhammer. It involves killing, explosions, killing, fist fights, killing, automatic weapons, killing, blood, killing, gore and killing. The plot is about as deep as puddle of water. Half of the stars have heavy accents (Jet, Arnold, Dolph and Jean Claude) that make them completely unintelligible the rest mumble and grunt their lines in an equally unintelligible way. I love it. For some reason, it gets my blood pumping. It's great to see bad guys meet their gory demise at the hands of some steroid pumped middle aged maniacs. Perhaps the simplicity of knowing who's the bad guy and who's the good guy can be refreshing in this post modern world we live in. What I also realized is that on the most basic level it has elements that all men crave for. We all need to belong with a bunch of like minded guys. We crave adventure (loud exploding and combative adventure) righting the wrongs of the world. We like having command over powerful things (grenades, Uzis, rocket launchers). I think that deep down we know that there's a fight to be fought and an evil to conquer and talking about our feelings isn't always the answer.

In looking back in cinema, even if the hero isn't a life sized action figure, Hollywood seems to have connected with that deep need in men's lives. The 80's had Rambo, John McClane and The Terminator. Going further back there was Dirty Harry, John Wayne, The Lone Ranger, Superman and one of my favorites Humphrey Bogart. The window dressing changes with the times, but each of them had something fierce within them. When looking at Christ I'm beginning to see that this is an ignored part of His character. Sadly for men, it weakens the appeal of the most important man to walk the earth. This in turn has seriously damaged the church. If we continue to see Jesus as a bearded guy in a white dress, it will continue to turn men away from the One who can truly engage us as men.

One thing that all these action stars have is some sort of code of ethics. Around our house I'm apt to ask "What's Gibbs' rule number nine?" This is in reference to the TV show NCIS whose lead is played by Mark Harmon. Gibbs' life is directed by a set of rules (by the way the answer is "Never go anywhere without a knife."). That's a rule that I want all my kids to follow. It means to be prepared (sound familiar?). A code is a great and simple way to find direction since life always has surprises.

I've read that Clayton Moore who is best known for playing the Lone Ranger was so deeply impressed with the character that he took on the Lone Ranger's code of ethics for his own life:
"I believe...

• that to have a friend, a man must be one.
• that all men are created equal and that everyone has within himself the power to make this a better world.
• that God put the firewood there, but that every man must gather and light it himself.
• in being prepared physically, mentally, and morally to fight when necessary for that which is right.
• that a man should make the most of what equipment he has.
• that 'this government of the people, by the people, and for the people' shall live always.
• that men should live by the rule of what is best for the greatest number.
• that sooner or later...somewhere...somehow...we must settle with the world and make payment for what we have taken.
• that all things change but truth, and that truth alone, lives on forever.
• in my Creator, my country, my fellow man."

That's pretty darn impressive. I'm considering using this one from the movie "Kingdom Of Heaven":
"Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Be brave and upright, that God may love thee. Speak the truth always, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong; that is your oath."
Best of all would be to find something from Proverbs or The Sermon On The Mount as this is pure wisdom. A life verse of course works well too. I love Hebrews 12:1-3:
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Like I said before Humphrey Bogart is one of my favorite actors. Although he's played the bad guy, the crazy guy, and the coward, he's most famous for his heroic characters: Rick from Casablanca, Sam Spade in the Maltese Falcon, Charlie Allnut in The African Queen and Phillip Marlowe in The Big Sleep. There's a sense of cool about him. He's the smartest guy in the room. He knows how to talk his way around things, shoot his way out of things and punch his way through things. There's a quiet confidence about him. I heard one guy lament how he wished he could have that sort of air about him. Not a phony facade, but a deep and settled peace that affected others. When I read the gospels now, I see that in Christ. No, he didn't punch people out, but he knew how to confront and even trash some scenery. Deep inside of Him is a fierce, tough confidence that should connect to all men. He feared no one and commanded respect. That's cool!

Back to the Expendables, I continue to marvel at how satisfying it is to just go out and kick butt. My therapist once said that I needed to find ways of being more of a bada** (he is a Christian by the way). Whether it's Jet Li doing some serious kung fu, Arnold cracking skulls, or Stallone raining bullets from an assault rifle, there's something really deep (and dare I say spiritual) about action. God has called men to confront evil. Sadly we're wrongly taught to only be nice boys who get along with everyone. There's a time for that and a time to fight (I think Solomon said something like that). What would happen if we let our sons and young men be fierce for Christ? If we instead of relegating them to virtual Xbox battles had them go out and really engage the world? Would it be scary, messy, dangerous and at times choatic? You bet! I also think that we would have stronger churches and Christ's power would be far more obvious to the world. Let's find ways to break free from our cultural norms!

Perhaps it would be a shock to many that Christ was the ultimate man. He was tough beyond our imagination, a "manly" man who could take on anything. He is nothing like the bearded guy in a white dress that we see so often in the church. Knowing that is a game changer for me. Beyond "little baby Jesus", the suffering Savior, and the Lamb Of God, He is a Warrior, and a Lion. I got to be up close with a lion once and it scared the life out of me. This was an awesome creature that possessed the power to crush and kill me in about a second. That is the One I want to be on my side in a fight: cool, fierce, grounded, tough and in command.
THE LION OF JUDAH!

The Search For Obiwan

When one looks back at life after 48 years it can be a bit overwhelming and even discouraging. I look back at so many lost opportunities and bad decisions. Also, I can see where I have hurt so many that I care deeply about. I think of missed ministry, business and personal growth opportunities. Deeper than that, I see the hurt my family has gone through because of my shortcomings. I wonder how much better of a husband, father and friend I could have been. I think of the lost financial gains I could have realized with just a little more wisdom. It's a lonely feeling with a tinge of regret. There's a longing for wisdom, encouragement, and strength. The losses can even be paralyzing feeding into the passivity that injures in the long run. I see that men really long for a mentor; the man we can turn to for advice, encouragement and strength.

I believe that God has ordained fathers to fit that role, but sadly through the attacks of Satan, our own sin and shortcomings and sometimes tragic circumstances, they/we don't fill that role. To be honest, I know that sometimes we as sons are also too stubborn to accept the love and guidance that God graciously gives us through our fathers. That is of course, tragic. So many of us look for a mentor.  For me, I call it my search for Obiwan.

"Use the Force, Luke."
Many times I have longed for, prayed for and hoped a mentor. So many times in life you can be left looking for answers, longing for someone to provide strength, assurance, and guidance. This longing is deep within all men in my estimation. If one were to look at movies and novels through the years there's a stock character known as the sage. For me, the best and most complete example is Obiwan Kenobi from the Star Wars franchise. With the benefit of seeing his character evolve from a Padawan learner to enlightened mentor, we find the amazing and arduous process of a man growing through the trials of life. Focusing on his time directly with Luke shows us some very powerful insights into mentoring and continues to compel me to find someone who might have these traits.

"You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you."
"A young Jedi named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Jedi knights."
Obiwan played a part in the deepest and most tragic plot point of the Saga: The Fall Of The Republic and of Anakin Skywalker. The weight of such responsibility must have been huge. What is powerful is that somehow at a later time he had somehow made peace and had perspective on these events. Great mentors have failed - possibly on a colossal level. I think all men have failed and yet there are a precious few who can rise above that. Most end up paralyzed, bitter and cynical in looking at the fate they have received. Those who conquer discouragement gain a deep wisdom that only comes through healing, experience and time. It is a trait we all are desperate for and one that a mentor possesses.

Obiwan: "You must learn the ways of the Force if you're to come with me to Alderaan."
This quote is one of those seminal moments in the Saga. It is a calling to something bigger than yourself. Masculine initiation and calling are lost on our culture or ridiculed as this archaic tradition that has no relevance to modern society. This view is deeply emasculating. We all need, crave and were created for adventure. Why are we so facinated with it? Why are so many novels and movies about adventure? It is because it challenges us, measures us and requires us to become more than what we are. Luke is a back country farm boy who longs for adventure. Obiwan brings him out from that life and into a larger struggle. Somewhere inside all men is the desire to be a hero. A mentor can call us to fullfill that role.

Han Solo: "I call it luck."
Obiwan: "In my experience, there's no such thing as luck."
Han Solo is one of the coolest characters in the Saga. Who doesn't want to be the gunslinger who lives by his own rules? At first he's the classic cynic straight from the Humprey Bogart line of tough guy loners. The one thing about those who criticize is that they can fall back on being "right". It's passive. Take a look around and you'll see so many critics and "experts" out there. Full of opinions, they sit on the sideline of life taking verbal shots at those who actually try to do something. It's weak. It's also what bullies do. Han the critic is ridiculing Luke the idealist. It's a discouraging moment. Obiwan, the engaged, steps in and defends the idealist. A mentor knows that life's journey is full of naysayers, bullies, cynics and critics. What he also knows is that he can provide strength. Ah, wouldn't life be so much more bearable with the strength of a mentor having your back?

"You've taken your first step into a larger world."
Luke just defeated a sparking metal tennis ball with a blindfold on. Some would say "Big deal!" The mentor knows better. He knows we all were at the beginning at one time. He knows that we need to walk through the long journey of life with more than sheer will. We need encouragement. Obiwan truthfully exposes the important fact of taking that first step. Would your life be better, more fulfilled, more gratifying and more accomplished if you knew someone was clearly on your side? I think of how I won't do things because of the lack of encouragement (passivity!!!). I also can clearly think of times when it spoke deep into my soul.

Obi-Wan: "So what I told you was true, from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."
This moment was one of the most frustrating in the Saga. At first Obiwan tells Luke that his father was murdered by Darth Vader (we infer that they are two different people). Later the explanation is that Darth Vader the evil killed all that was good in Anakin Skywalker. Does it sound like a cheap cop out? Actually, it's wisdom speaking. The deep truth Obiwan is describing is that we can be our own murderer. In the broader context, the mentor provides wisdom. It's showing us life's difficulties and provides perspective. It's taking life's hardships and giving us direction. It's guiding us through our failures and providing us comfort. Wisdom is powerful and all too fleeting in our culture.

"The Force will be with you. Always."
I sometimes think that I'm seeking something that may not exist. Realistically, it's up to God to determine if I end up finding the Obiwan for my life. I know that at this point in my life, I need to be Obiwan for someone. Perhaps in that process, I'll find what I'm looking for. Until then my search and saga will continue.