Xs, Os, and Ws: Inspirational Stories From Successful Basketball Coaches

Wow, talk about God working in crazy ways. First I was coaching, second, through LinkedIn I meet Nataniel Brown and now I'm in a book! I first want to thank Mr. Brown for kindly including my words and thoughts. Second, I really appreciate that he focused the book so much on character and the true coaching that basketball coaches have the chance to do: mentoring, guiding, teaching and loving their players in a way that will have a lifelong impact. As much as I love basketball and sports in general, I know that the real benefit from sports and coaching is the chance to help build and test character. To be honest, I'm not always good at that. I let my anger and hyper competitiveness get the best of me and at that time I'm really in need of forgiveness and a lot of grace.

I had a laugh (in a humble sort of way) that the back cover says "The greatest collection of coaches ever in one book!" Of course anything with Pat Summit, Lute Olson, Michael Cooper, Ben Howland, Terry Porter, Morgan Wooten and Anne Donovan has to be considered a great collection. I guess it's hard for me to see yours truly in that list.
In reading the book, what I see is the passion, struggles and heart that each coach has. What was universal for all of them is the need to redefine success. I think that wins and losses are important but also secondary to the life lessons that we model and teach. It was very encouraging to see that other coaches have that same passion.
In some ways this is an advertisement for the book. I will admit to that. I would also say I don't fully know all aspects of Mr. Brown's business/ministry. I do think his heart is in the right place. So here's my message: check out his website. Buy the book. At minimum you can read what I said and hold me accountable when I fail and perhaps you can read a little more of what another man thought of my words.

Remembrance

Proverbs 20:7

The righteous lead blameless lives;
    blessed are their children after them.

"Feeling like a dusty road inside me
Waiting for a drink of autumn rain
But inspite of all I am I can still turn and smile
When I reach the promised land I'll be stronger for the trial
Love's gonna rescue me"

I used to listen to this song when I went to the hospital to visit my mom while she battled cancer. It's by a friend named Bob Hudson. It really expresses that feeling when you are dealing with the dire circumstances of life. You feel lifeless inside; somehow you feel like you're going through the motions of living when in fact you're dealing with something deeply difficult. Watching my mom suffer was one of those times. It's almost as if God in His mercy allows us to dry up inside so that we can cope with such deep hurt. Along with that we so desperately desire relief - that drink of refreshing rain that can heal the hurt. I'm recalling all of this as I deal with the passing of my father. If you've read any of this blog you know that fatherhood, and manhood are recurring themes I touch on. So now I face the reality of mourning my dad. There's almost too much to deal with to express it all nor will I process it so easily. Grief and mourning is that way. We all do it in a personal way. I find myself more in a reflective mindset remembering my childhood and how my dad was in and out of my life. He was my coach, teacher, the hard working provider, mentor, displinarian and companion but also he was the yeller, the belittler and distant. I hold no animosity towards any of the latter. My dad was very much human as we all are.

The details of his passing are this: he suffered a hemorrhage stroke about three months ago. After surgery and rehabilitation, he was moved to an assisted living situation with the expectation of a decent and even full recovery. The past three weeks he started to grow weak and tired. The thought was that he still had fluid on the brain. Last Sunday, I spoke with my brother on plans for after his surgery. Those plans were not to be. That night he passed away peacefully expiring in his sleep. I think of how much my mom suffered and I feel that God was indeed very merciful to take my dad with minmal pain and very much like the man I knew. The next day came two strange feelings. The first came in the question, "Did I really hear that right?" I think shock has that effect on us. It's almost dream like when surprising and shocking news comes our way. The second was this emptiness knowing that this was the first day in my life that I have no earthly parents. From the day we're born, we have parents but for me after 48 years, that is not the case anymore.

Dealing with the details of putting his affairs in order has also reminded me of the differences between my generation and his. He was born into the Great Depression and his teen years were during World War II. His mother passed away when he was a teenager. I always wondered how the affected him. Like most Nisei (second generation Japanese Americans) he was the dutiful son who went to school, got a job, started a family, provided for that family and retired to play golf and travel. He was a hard working man. All of these qualities come from the mix of Japanese culture and the American culture of his era. Duty, honor and sacrifice are noble words that would describe him and so many others from this generation.

The closest my dad got to telling me he was proud of me and confirmed that I was a man

I would be remiss to say that as a human he had both great qualities and left gaps in my life as a father. As kids he never hugged us, told us he loved us, or that he was proud of us. He was demanding in a good way but also lacked the ability to encourage us and inspire us. I really don't hold any of this against him. I just know that I am no better than him as a father. It also gives me the great desire to know my Heavenly Father who fills those gaps in.

Conversely, I praise God that deep down, I know he loved me. I know that we had great times together. He's the man who taught me to throw a curve ball, hit a driver, shoot a jump shot, do long division, drive a stick shift and brush my teeth. It's so amazing that if you ask any man what the remember about their father it usually is something they did with him or something he taught them. One unique thing he taught me was how to solder. Even today at work when I smell solder, it bring me back to my dad's garage. Those are warm memories where I felt his strength and bond. We also got to travel to Japan together. That visit included seeing his father's house. He also was able to meet his cousin for the first time. He has told me that that time was very special to him. For me that meant a lot. It's a memory we got to share and is something I can carry with me the rest of my life.


"Searching for a road that isn't as lonely
Looking for a friend to ease the pain
I go back to where this started to find out what went wrong
No miracle cures for the broken heart and only time and shoulders to lean on
Love's gonna rescue me"

Many have asked how I'm doing through this part. In spite of everything, I feel peace. I really believe it's because I've had so many praying for me. Also, I have the best friends anyone could ever imagine who are there for me. The process to mourn does take time, but also comes out in different ways. I also have to admit that I have to be in "business mode" helping with settling my dad's affairs. That's a distraction that I used to use to avoid the pain. This time, I'm going to write, take walks and sit quietly by myself. God seems to work best in me when I do that. I know I'm going to miss him. I wish we had more time and that we could really truly talk about the important stuff. I'm sad that he was only a few months away from meeting his first great-grandchild. Mourning seems to be a lot about regret and "what ifs".

"But in spite of all I am I can still turn and smile
When I reach the promised land I'll be stronger for the trial
Love's gonna rescue me"

I also am thankful that my last words to my dad were "I love you." Such simple words, but are packed with power. I seriously didn't think that it would be the last time I saw him, but it is one of those moments where I said the right thing at the right time.

I know deep down that this is not the end of my time with dad. When God does reunite me with him, I look forward to then talking about some of the deep stuff that was too hard to talk through. I want to deeply thank him for being a great dad, grandfather and a great man. God is so great when it comes to second chances and I know that I will have that with my dad. In that, Christ is always about restoring relationships and more deeply our hearts. His love does rescue us. It is deeply painful and hugely uplifting. So my hope is that when I hear myself parroting his words as I coach basketball, or when I smell melting solder, I can turn and smile.

Planes To Catch And Bills To Pay

"And the Cats in the Cradle and the Silver Spoon
Little Boy Blue and the Man In The Moon
'When you coming home, dad,' 'I don't know when,'"
Harry Chapin - The Cats And The Cradle

Harry Chapin charted this song when I was about 8. It's such a bittersweet song. I remember as a kid that Brandon Cruz (of The Courtship Of Eddies Father fame) crying when he found out that Harry Chapin was going to perform that song live for him. I totally get it. Even then and even more now that song hits at the heart of where we are at as boys; as teens; as young men; as fathers; and as older men. Living through those stages, it hits home. We men just don't make the time for what's important. Jobs, mowing the lawn, church leadership, you name it gets in the way. When you figure that out, it's usually too late. By then, your son is dealing with the same stresses that kept you from him. I just wish I could stop things and find that perfect moment to tell Fox that I love him; that I'm proud of him; and that he has what it takes to thrive in this world. The problem is that even if I do, it doesn't seem to sink in. That's not an indictment on him, but more just how things are.
This all comes together as I live in middle life land. Right now I'm on a plane heading to see my dad. Although a picture of health for a man of his age, he didn't know that he was hemorrhaging around his brain. It resulted in a stroke. I am so thankful that he survived and has rehabilitated to the point of moving on to assisted living. I thought of how I now have to be on the other side of providing care. Not that I mind it, but I am concerned how that will be a paradigm shift for me and that I'll have to emotionally work it out. I also stop and think that our time on earth together is a lot less than I realized.
My dad comes from a very different era. He also is partially influenced indirectly from the Japanese culture his dad came from. I fully understand this and accept it. It doesn't prevent me from longing for that depth in relationship that God designed us to have. I know that men of his culture and era just aren't that in touch with their feelings or comfortable expressing them. I know that there are gaps in my life because of this and again, I don't blame my dad for that. It is these the burdens that bring me to my knees longing for my Heavenly Father.

Hospital Visits:
Seeing my dad in a weakened state is tough to see. Even though I knew this is the way it was going to be, it's nothing compared to when you see it first hand. I'm now the one instructing him and encouraging him. It's such a shift in mindset. Also, I'm working hard to find the balance of taking charge and helping without dishonoring or disrespecting my dad. He will need to learn to use a walker and spend considerable time in a wheelchair. There's hope that he could fully recover but also he could plateau and require assistance the rest of his life.

The most beautiful moment was when my uncle (my dad's closest brother) spent time with him. Here are two men who have been in a close relationship longer than any other people in their lives. I think they must have had countless wrestling matches, games of playing catch and quiet moments fishing together. Today, my uncle takes the time to carefully clip his fingernails. In most ways this is such a common thing to do, but for one who has suffered a stroke, it is a very difficult task. My uncle gently takes my dad's hands and takes care of a basic grooming need. I feel like I saw something so wonderful and intimate - two brothers who love each other and one demonstrating his love in such a tangible and caring way. I am blessed to have an uncle who will stand up for my dad.
I spent the large parts of the days learning how to help my dad. Again, I am continually trying to find a respective but helpful mindset when working with my dad. I'm helping him get in and out of bed, his wheel chair, and a car. I have to ask him when he needs to go the bathroom. I'm sure it's humbling for him and even a bit embarrassing but he understands the goal is to recover and so he soldiers on. It is the great blessing of his character and the age he grew up in. He has experienced a great deal of hardship (working on a farm, living through the depression, World War II, Internment, and losing loved ones). I sense a settled peace in this challenge. I'm very proud that I am his son.

My good friend Frank Prats

Relocating to assisted living:
There is a sense of great responsibility when it came to be having the assignment of moving my dad to assisted living. First I had to furnish his residence. A true testament of the Body Of Christ was that with one phone call to my good friend Frank Prats I was able to secure a truck and two men to help with the heavy lifting. It all went very smoothly.During this time anybody who provides that kind of support is a blessing. I am so thankful Moving some of the furniture included pieces that literally haven't left their respective rooms for over 50 years. Many pieces are older than me. This also provides some security in the familiar for my dad. My brother Robert was there to help arrange the place and put things away. That was nice to have.
If moving inanimate objects is a challenge think of the responsibility of moving your invalid father. This was a step beyond training as it was in my hands and my hands only. I packed his stuff along with his newly acquired walker and wheel chair. For the first time I helped my dad maneuver into a car unassisted. Again, the weight of my responsibility was hitting me. Thankfully, it went well. The drive did tire my dad out but we made the 80 minute trip without a hitch.

Arriving and admitting went well. I had a huge amount of information to disseminate (another huge responsibility!). It also required me to focus on the care of the staff (which looks excellent). I realize after being responsible and in charge in these past few days I now have to make the next shift, to releasing much of the control and let the staff take over. Change is a challenge for me so I went through a lot of challenges this week. I can't imagine how my dad feels through all of this change. Once again, God showed up in a literally sweet way. Dad's first dinner at the facility included cream puffs for dessert. If you've read my other blog post, you will know that cream puffs were a specialty of my mom. It was like God was telling me personally that it is all good with Him and that He is in control. We are all family and with a few special touchstones (like cream puffs) we'll get through this together. I am so humbled by all of this.
My hope is that I will see my dad fully recovered. He can then go back to walking with the group of dog walkers in his neighborhood and hit the golf links sometime before dawn with his friends. No matter what, I know that my time with him is limited so I'll be sure to make more time to savor his love, warmth and kindness.
"We'll get together then, you know we'll have a good time then..."

Second Intermission: My Thoughts On Our Season So Far

We are now three quarters through the season. I realize just how time consuming it is to coach a high school basketball team, have an engineering job and still have all of life's chores to keep. If you follow this blog, you notice that I haven't been writing as much since the season started. I would also say that the time commitment has been worth it. I see the great privilege I have to teach, encourage and lead these fine young men. They are some of the best that any man could ever want as a son. Many of them are high caliber basketball players and all have worked very hard to improve on their skills. I see them becoming men of God who can impact and lead in this world. As a coach I hope that I can impart whatever has been given to me from God and other men who have impacted my life. I also hope I don't blow it as I feel the great responsibility of this position.

Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

I can't say enough about the assistant coaches I have working with me. Mark and Bruce are the highest quality of Godly men who keep me grounded and humble. Beyond that I can think of many times when their basketball input was invaluable. Bruce came up with the defensive scheme that helped us take on one of the top teams in this area and kept us close the whole way. Mark once spotted that a team's press was focused too much on the middle of the court and the sidelines were wide open. Stuff like that can elude me and they have the insight to countless occurences that helped the team. More than anything, I feel like we're on the same page with what we want to accomplish with the team. Leading them to see teamwork, hard work, fighting through adversity and winning shows the characteristics that God desires for the team to have in life. I am deeply indebted to these men for the help, wisdom and friendship.

Looking back in life, I see that one thing that I like to do is be analytical when it comes to watching sports. Perhaps it's because I was mostly a bench warmer or perhaps it has to do with my "geeky" side. Anyway, I find myself very much alive during the games. Seeing things and figuring out how best to get the most out of the team is really invigorating. I also love seeing the team succeed. It's funny, my competitive side is really strong, but I'm more passionate about the boys being able to succeed than just getting the win. I want so bad for them to get the taste of victory that comes from working hard as a team.

Running Rick Torbett's Read And React offense continues to amaze me. I continue to get compliments about how the offense flows. When it works and the team runs it well, it's a beautiful thing to behold. It's a scheme that can't be scouted and works well against all defenses. After two seasons, I think we're getting more and more into it. I realize that it requires a lot of conditioning to run this. With comfortability I hope that we can learn to outwork the opposition and hunt for those scoring chances. My secret hope is to see multiple staggered screens come to fruition. Then I'll be a little kid again watching  Rick Barry at Oracle Arena.

We now have installed four defenses. We have the standard 2-3 zone that work well against bigger teams. I maybe too stubborn to use it a lot. Perhaps it's so familiar I want to give the team's a different look. The chaser is something I really enjoy watching. It confuses teams and can really be effective. It's a matchup zone that requires an long athletic "chaser". I'm so glad we have two players who fit that role well. I'm surprised that we have been very effective in man to man. Considering the team's youth and relative lack of size, we have done quite well in it. I use it a lot more than I expected. It just goes to show how mature our team has become. We just added a half court trap. Right now, it's a work in progress. I think I need some tweaks to get it to work better. My hope is that this can work well when we're down and also get us some momentum at times.

Our practices were getting stale (as they usually do during the season). I'm so glad I read up on some coaches boards as one gave me the great idea of making practices a competition. Keeping score of each drill has taken the intensity and focus to a new level. I've even said the team that "wins" the practice is the starting team for the next game. Competition is in a man's DNA. It just took one tweak to bring it out and give our practices the next level of intensity that I was looking for. Nice to see the team completely gassed after a practice. I'm hoping they will see there's always a next level to achieve.

Isaiah 30:20
Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them.

Friday was perhaps a significant day for team team. We played Christian Academy of Knoxville which is ranked number 6 in East Tennessee. They have two players who have Division 1 scholarships and their best player is an underclassman. They have first class facilities and it was senior night. Considering we have a a small talent pool, no facilities and an all volunteer staff, games like this one can become embarrassing very fast. Not so tonight. We had the lead at the half. It was close for most of the third quarter. The coach tried at least four different defenses to stop us. I could tell the home crowd was very concerned. Sadly, they did wear us down and we ended up losing. But we gained so much more: we earned the respect of everybody in that gym; we proved to ourselves that we belong with one of the best in the area; and we do have a next level that we can achieve. I can never say I'm glad we lost a game, but it was something to behold knowing what we proved. It's like the first Rocky movie: he loses the fight but wins something deeper and more gratifying. I even got a my fan boy moment when Atlee Hammaker (former San Francisco Giants pitcher) took the time to come up to me to say how impressed he was with the team. I count that as a little gift from God that would mean something to me.

We are 10-20 right now but take away losses to the 2A and private schools and we're very close to .500. We are ranked #10 in the Southeast for home school programs! With four sophomore, five juniors and one senior, the future is bright!

Happy Days

Fox,

Today you have given me one of the happiest days in my life. Today I can truly call you my son. It may cause you mixed feelings to hear that, but know it's what I feel deep inside. I know that this has been a long and difficult process for you and I know that many times I made things worse with my own stupid actions. Know that I have hurts in my life that I have to work through and sadly you get caught up in them. I will continue to work to be a better father and role model for you. I'm sorry if it embarrased you when I cried in front of everyone. Understand that a man can and should feel deeply even though society makes fun of men crying. I want you to know that I'm so happy and that I want the world to know how I feel about you.

On this day, there's a few things I want you to know:

Romans 8:15-16
"The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children."
I want you to know that being adopted may seem like you are someone who stands out and is different but that is far from the truth. We are all adopted since God our Father has adopted each one of us into His family. I know that this can be a hard label to have on you, but know that being adopted means that you were chosen. I chose YOU to be my son. You are the only one that I would pick for my son. I hope that you can let that sink in for a moment so that you can understand just how much I wanted you to be part of my family. Know that even more, God wanted you to be in His family. He wanted it so badly that He would literally die for you. You are loved and wanted that much.

Matthew 17:5
"... 'This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!'”
I want you to know that I am proud of you. When I talk to others I proudly say that you are my son. You show so much bravery through all of what you have been through. You are a strong young man who shows so much care to people. I know that so many adults are impressed with how much love and care you show to young children. That is a special character trait that you have. You are a very smart person who is just finding out how much potential that you have. There are so many things that you can be and the possibilities are endless.

Finally, I want you to know that I'm on your side and have your back. I will always cheer for you and encourage you. Sometimes, it may feel like I'm being hard on you, but know that I do what I do because I want the best for you. Sometimes what is best requires pain, hard work and patience. The most important things in life require that of you and I know that it's not easy. Please never give up and keep improving. The payoff is great when you put in the effort! I will be there by your side and rooting you on.

Thank you for giving me one of the BEST days of my life. I'm not sure if I can fully put into words what this day means to me. Just know that you are my beloved son with whom I am very proud of.

Love,

Your Adoptive Dad, Naka

The Search For Obiwan

When one looks back at life after 48 years it can be a bit overwhelming and even discouraging. I look back at so many lost opportunities and bad decisions. Also, I can see where I have hurt so many that I care deeply about. I think of missed ministry, business and personal growth opportunities. Deeper than that, I see the hurt my family has gone through because of my shortcomings. I wonder how much better of a husband, father and friend I could have been. I think of the lost financial gains I could have realized with just a little more wisdom. It's a lonely feeling with a tinge of regret. There's a longing for wisdom, encouragement, and strength. The losses can even be paralyzing feeding into the passivity that injures in the long run. I see that men really long for a mentor; the man we can turn to for advice, encouragement and strength.

I believe that God has ordained fathers to fit that role, but sadly through the attacks of Satan, our own sin and shortcomings and sometimes tragic circumstances, they/we don't fill that role. To be honest, I know that sometimes we as sons are also too stubborn to accept the love and guidance that God graciously gives us through our fathers. That is of course, tragic. So many of us look for a mentor.  For me, I call it my search for Obiwan.

"Use the Force, Luke."
Many times I have longed for, prayed for and hoped a mentor. So many times in life you can be left looking for answers, longing for someone to provide strength, assurance, and guidance. This longing is deep within all men in my estimation. If one were to look at movies and novels through the years there's a stock character known as the sage. For me, the best and most complete example is Obiwan Kenobi from the Star Wars franchise. With the benefit of seeing his character evolve from a Padawan learner to enlightened mentor, we find the amazing and arduous process of a man growing through the trials of life. Focusing on his time directly with Luke shows us some very powerful insights into mentoring and continues to compel me to find someone who might have these traits.

"You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you."
"A young Jedi named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Jedi knights."
Obiwan played a part in the deepest and most tragic plot point of the Saga: The Fall Of The Republic and of Anakin Skywalker. The weight of such responsibility must have been huge. What is powerful is that somehow at a later time he had somehow made peace and had perspective on these events. Great mentors have failed - possibly on a colossal level. I think all men have failed and yet there are a precious few who can rise above that. Most end up paralyzed, bitter and cynical in looking at the fate they have received. Those who conquer discouragement gain a deep wisdom that only comes through healing, experience and time. It is a trait we all are desperate for and one that a mentor possesses.

Obiwan: "You must learn the ways of the Force if you're to come with me to Alderaan."
This quote is one of those seminal moments in the Saga. It is a calling to something bigger than yourself. Masculine initiation and calling are lost on our culture or ridiculed as this archaic tradition that has no relevance to modern society. This view is deeply emasculating. We all need, crave and were created for adventure. Why are we so facinated with it? Why are so many novels and movies about adventure? It is because it challenges us, measures us and requires us to become more than what we are. Luke is a back country farm boy who longs for adventure. Obiwan brings him out from that life and into a larger struggle. Somewhere inside all men is the desire to be a hero. A mentor can call us to fullfill that role.

Han Solo: "I call it luck."
Obiwan: "In my experience, there's no such thing as luck."
Han Solo is one of the coolest characters in the Saga. Who doesn't want to be the gunslinger who lives by his own rules? At first he's the classic cynic straight from the Humprey Bogart line of tough guy loners. The one thing about those who criticize is that they can fall back on being "right". It's passive. Take a look around and you'll see so many critics and "experts" out there. Full of opinions, they sit on the sideline of life taking verbal shots at those who actually try to do something. It's weak. It's also what bullies do. Han the critic is ridiculing Luke the idealist. It's a discouraging moment. Obiwan, the engaged, steps in and defends the idealist. A mentor knows that life's journey is full of naysayers, bullies, cynics and critics. What he also knows is that he can provide strength. Ah, wouldn't life be so much more bearable with the strength of a mentor having your back?

"You've taken your first step into a larger world."
Luke just defeated a sparking metal tennis ball with a blindfold on. Some would say "Big deal!" The mentor knows better. He knows we all were at the beginning at one time. He knows that we need to walk through the long journey of life with more than sheer will. We need encouragement. Obiwan truthfully exposes the important fact of taking that first step. Would your life be better, more fulfilled, more gratifying and more accomplished if you knew someone was clearly on your side? I think of how I won't do things because of the lack of encouragement (passivity!!!). I also can clearly think of times when it spoke deep into my soul.

Obi-Wan: "So what I told you was true, from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."
This moment was one of the most frustrating in the Saga. At first Obiwan tells Luke that his father was murdered by Darth Vader (we infer that they are two different people). Later the explanation is that Darth Vader the evil killed all that was good in Anakin Skywalker. Does it sound like a cheap cop out? Actually, it's wisdom speaking. The deep truth Obiwan is describing is that we can be our own murderer. In the broader context, the mentor provides wisdom. It's showing us life's difficulties and provides perspective. It's taking life's hardships and giving us direction. It's guiding us through our failures and providing us comfort. Wisdom is powerful and all too fleeting in our culture.

"The Force will be with you. Always."
I sometimes think that I'm seeking something that may not exist. Realistically, it's up to God to determine if I end up finding the Obiwan for my life. I know that at this point in my life, I need to be Obiwan for someone. Perhaps in that process, I'll find what I'm looking for. Until then my search and saga will continue.