Reelin' In The Years

First, a happy 50th birthday to Shawn Hillegas. In 1992 on our birthday, I saw him pitch in Yankee Stadium. He didn't fare well in that outing but it is a unique memory to have the guy who shares your birthday pitch in the House That Ruth Built.

"Are you reelin' in the years
Stowin' away the time
Are you gatherin' up the tears
Have you had enough of mine"
Reelin' In The Years - Steely Dan


This week marks a big milestone in my life as I turn fifty on August 21st. One half a century, the big Five-O. I can light my birthday cake on fire pretty easily now. Yes, a colonoscopy is on the horizon. It's also a time of introspection. What did my time on earth mean? Some thoughts: It means I remember the Beatles when they were still together and I watched Willie Mays play ball in Candlestick Park. I'm a Baby Boomer and a GenXer - which probably explains a lot of my confusion of who I am. I grew up during the Wonder Years when they weren't just a nostalgia show. That show more than anything else, described my childhood. It means I lived through hippies, disco, New Wave, Grunge and Hip Hop. It somehow allows me to have some sort of perspective on the world and hopefully some wisdom. For some reason, people look to me for that. I hope I don't steer them the wrong way.

"Your everlasting summer
You can see it fading fast
So you grab a piece of something
That you think is gonna last
You wouldn't know a diamond
If you held it in your hand
The things you think are precious
I can't understand"
Reelin' In The Years - Steely Dan

I don't think this is a "been there done that" mindset, but I also notice things that I thought was really important, has become less so over the years. I used to spend tons of time playing, watching and reading about sports. I spent tons of money on movies and music. Now I see them being much less a part of my life. Things are part of life, but they're not the most valuable. How I spend my money and time has changed focus. Time especially, is getting shorter for me, I hope that this changing perspective is helping me get my priorities straight.

"Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends."
It's A Wonderful Life

Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
Acts 2:43-47

What do I treasure most now? The people close to me. I think mostly of my children and how much they have shaped me, challenged me and somehow loved me through all of it. I think of my friends in the same way. Over the years I have had friends come into my life that have become lifelong adopted family who have supported me through some of the darkest and brightest times of my life. I think of the fellowship and care during college that came as close to the Acts 2 model that I have ever experienced. It seems during that time I was fully alive and each day was pure joy to live. It was an amazing gift from God and acted out in the most generous way with friends who are still to this day close to me. God has also graciously added friends along the way. I can't say enough about several co-workers who have become close friends of mine as well. It makes the long days at work not only bearable but joy at times. I am truly blessed.

"There's a fire burning in my soul,
It keeps a man warm and it makes a man whole,
When the sun goes down and the day is through,
To live and walk like Jesus did, is the best a man can do."
God Fearing Man - Joel Weldon

But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
Matthew 7:14

So what do I see looking forward? With a mixed past of hurts, difficulties, outright screw ups along with some great triumphs, blessings and joys I see that life is long narrow road. At times, it's tough, lonely and with missteps along the way. Sometimes we get lost. On the other hand, the views are great. The few that walk with you are the most amazing people you can have around. I think my life calling is still about a Savior and investing in lives to help them find the healing and wholeness we all desire. Those like me who have experienced much failure are the ones who know what it's like. I have many relationships to try to reconcile and much forgiveness to seek. But I know what my measuring stick is and even though I'll fall short, I know that it's about keeping my heart right and continuing to heal and hopefully bring healing to others. There is no ego in this as I know that in the end Christ will get the properly deserved credit. I'm only there to experience the blessings that come along with it.
This week marks a moment of transition and in many ways things are the same. I will check a different age box when I fill out a survey but I'll also be doing a lot of the same things I've been doing for that past 50 years. People come and go through the years but many will stick around for the journey. I'll continue to need to seek forgiveness and reconciliation but I'll also hopefully be the one to help others find it along the way. Mostly, I have a Father who is showing me the way, forgiving me when I screw up and healing my heart. Because of Him it makes it all worth it.

Xs, Os, and Ws: Inspirational Stories From Successful Basketball Coaches

Wow, talk about God working in crazy ways. First I was coaching, second, through LinkedIn I meet Nataniel Brown and now I'm in a book! I first want to thank Mr. Brown for kindly including my words and thoughts. Second, I really appreciate that he focused the book so much on character and the true coaching that basketball coaches have the chance to do: mentoring, guiding, teaching and loving their players in a way that will have a lifelong impact. As much as I love basketball and sports in general, I know that the real benefit from sports and coaching is the chance to help build and test character. To be honest, I'm not always good at that. I let my anger and hyper competitiveness get the best of me and at that time I'm really in need of forgiveness and a lot of grace.

I had a laugh (in a humble sort of way) that the back cover says "The greatest collection of coaches ever in one book!" Of course anything with Pat Summit, Lute Olson, Michael Cooper, Ben Howland, Terry Porter, Morgan Wooten and Anne Donovan has to be considered a great collection. I guess it's hard for me to see yours truly in that list.
In reading the book, what I see is the passion, struggles and heart that each coach has. What was universal for all of them is the need to redefine success. I think that wins and losses are important but also secondary to the life lessons that we model and teach. It was very encouraging to see that other coaches have that same passion.
In some ways this is an advertisement for the book. I will admit to that. I would also say I don't fully know all aspects of Mr. Brown's business/ministry. I do think his heart is in the right place. So here's my message: check out his website. Buy the book. At minimum you can read what I said and hold me accountable when I fail and perhaps you can read a little more of what another man thought of my words.

Call Me Ojiichan

The first picture of my first grandchild!

To my first grandchild,

Hello! My name is James Nakamura but to you I'm grandpa (or ojiichan if you'd like to use the Japanese term). I know it will be a few months before we actually meet but know that the moment that I heard that God had created you, I loved you. When your mommy told me about you for the first time I was happy and stunned. You see, sometimes the best surprises in the whole world are almost too much to emotionally understand. This was the case when I heard of you. I was so happy to know that you were created, but it was such a happy moment I almost couldn't handle all of the feelings.

There's so much I wish I could tell you, but we have a whole life together to talk about these things so I won't overwhelme you with too much stuff.

So here are a few things I'd like you to know:

You have the best mommy in the whole world. When she was a little girl, she was so special to me (and still is!). She loved to hold my hand and tell me all the things that were going on with her. As she grew older I could always see that she loved God and was so incredibly loyal. She's really well read, loves talking with people and likes to do crafts and cook. All of those great qualities you get to enjoy as she raises you. She was even nice enough to go and watch sports with grandpa. I hope that some day we will do the same. You will of course have lots of San Jose Sharks and San Francisco Giants memorabilia in your life courtesy of me!

Your daddy is a great man of God. He was brave enough to serve his country to help protect us from people who want to hurt us. He also likes geeky things (like your grandpa) so you will be subjected to hearing about scifi (Star Trek, Star Wars) and over analysing of everything. He will also teach you to fly fish and is a good craftsman. I know those times learning from him will be very special!

As for grandpa, I promise you that you will have lots of ice cream, presents, and hugs! I'm excited to be the one who can do these things because that's what grandpas are for. We get to hear all the neat things you do in life and get to cheer you on in any activity that you try. Know that I will be so proud of you. I will be your biggest fan! I want you to know that I'm new to being ojiichan. Because of this, I will make mistakes. I hope that you will forgive me when I mess things up because I'm still learning too! I'm excited that we can learn things together and that most of our times will be happy ones full of laughter!

Most importantly, I will share as much as I can about your loving Heavenly Father. He created you and no matter how much I love you, He loves you more. He loved you so much that He would send His Son to teach us important things and even die for all the bad stuff we do. I know I will have a hard time remembering any bad things that you might do, but God actually erases them so we don't have anything guilt of being bad. Isn't that the most amazing thing (even more amazing than you!)?

I hope that you will read this letter when you are older and that we can remember a lot of good times together. I also hope that you feel as much love from me as I feel for you. May we have lots of sunsets, sporting events, movie nights, and inside jokes!

Love,
Grandpa/Ojiichan

That Punky Kid In The Youth Group: Ode To My Hero Jeremy Powers

With school starting and Fox returning to High School life I went back in my mind to the youth group I used to lead in San Jose. I was there for about ten years and had countless numbers of youth come through the doors. To be honest, I don't remember all of the kids as so many were here and gone all too fast for me to get to know them. Some I have been blessed with keeping their friendships through the years. These amazing young men have showed me that the investment was worth it. It reminds me that God does in fact work in the lives of our youth and they are now out in the world making a difference.
Of course there are ones that stand out more than others. For me one stands out loud and clear. He was part of a family of four brothers. All had long unkempt hair and clothes. They were loud. They also made life uncomfortable for others in the church. The came on Wednesday nights riding in on skateboards. They like their music loud. They always wanted to find the next big jump, the next thing to break and the next thing that would go uncontrollably fast. Oh, if I haven't said it yet, they were loud. They had electric guitars and a drum kit in their garage - you can do the math on what it was like. The boys' last name was Powers. I think it was fitting. When they brought friends to church, it was some of the roughest characters you could ever imagine. I sometimes think I was more of a correctional officer at those times.
The center of this motley crew was the youngest and loudest of them all. His name was Jeremy. If I go through my pictures from that time, he seemed to inject himself into each shot. He once found his way to the top of the camp chapel to see if he could snowboard jump off of it (it has a nice lip for a ramp). He's the only kid who got seriously hurt on a ski trip. We had to cart him down the mountain after he sprained his knee attempting yet another big jump. It was never a surprise when he came to youth group with a black eye, a cast or a splint. Even though he was the smallest kid on his peewee football team, he played nose tackle. Picture the Tasmanian Devil throwing bodies around and you'll get the picture of what he was like on the football field.
Here's the interesting thing about Jeremy and his brothers: they deeply, passionately and even recklessly loved God. They had this deep respect for the leaders. When we were speaking and others were talking over us, you'd here Jeremy yell "Shut up!!!" at them. If someone said that church was stupid, he'd be sure to let them know how stupid they were being. He also would threaten to beat up those who didn't show us respect. I know that even though it wasn't the "right" response, I could see he had passion.
1 Samuel 16:7
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height... The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
Jeremy and his family moved to the Northwest when he entered high school. A few years passed and I received a call from his mother. She said that Jeremy had died in a car accident. I spoke with his brother and he said that Jeremy had bought a junk car and tried to fix it up to go fast. Sadly, it was too fast and he crashed it. It was said that at his memorial service, just about every hooligan from the town attended. In life and in death, Jeremy was true to himself. I think that in some ways I have a smile knowing that Jeremy had a very distinct impact on this world. He shook it up, lived it with passion and had a lasting impression on me and probably many others. The candle that shine twice as bright does burn half as long. But what a bright light!
A few things Jeremy definitely taught me was to live life to it's limits; that life unihibited is living; that being passionate has its plusses; that one should NEVER judge a book by its cover; and if I have a say in how I go, I want it in a way that shows that I really lived. In the list in my mind of personal heroes, Jeremy Power is near the top of that list. I regret that I won't have the time on this earth to share that with him.
The last time I talked to the Powers boys, they were being covert missionaries. I remember one of them with a wry smile on his face as he said how he was going to infiltrate the group so that they could change things from within.
Ah, passion!!!
My hope is that we all go through life and see people as God sees them. I hope I can show the love and compassion that each one needs and perhaps we can all live with the reckless fighting spirit of Jeremy Powers. I look forward to seeing him again in my Father's house.

"I don't know what to say really.
Three minutes to the biggest battle of our professional lives all comes down to today.
Either we heal as a team or we are going to crumble.
Inch by inch play by play till we're finished.
We are in hell right now, gentlemen believe me and we can stay here and get the *** kicked out of us or we can fight our way back into the light.
We can climb out of hell. One inch, at a time.

Now I can't do it for you. I'm too old.
I look around and I see these young faces and I think I mean I made every wrong choice a middle age man could make.
I uh.... I p***d away all my money believe it or not.
I chased off anyone who has ever loved me.
And lately, I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror.

You know when you get old in life things get taken from you.
That's, that's part of life.
But, you only learn that when you start losing stuff.
You find out that life is just a game of inches.
So is football. Because in either game life or football the margin for error is so small. I mean
one half step too late or to early you don't quite make it.
One half second too slow or too fast and you don't quite catch it.
The inches we need are everywhere around us.
They are in ever break of the game every minute, every second.

On this team, we fight for that inch
On this team, we tear ourselves, and everyone around us
to pieces for that inch.
We CLAW with our finger nails for that inch.
Cause we know
when we add up all those inches
that's going to make the **** difference
between WINNING and LOSING
between LIVING and DYING.

I'll tell you this
in any fight
it is the guy who is willing to die
who is going to win that inch.
And I know
if I am going to have any life anymore
it is because, I am still willing to fight, and die for that inch
because that is what LIVING is.
The six inches in front of your face.

Now I can't make you do it. You gotta look at the guy next to you. Look into his eyes.
Now I think you are going to see a guy who will go that inch with you.
You are going to see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team because he knows when it comes down to it, you are gonna do the same thing for him.

That's a team, gentlemen and either we heal now, as a team, or we will die as individuals.That's football guys. That's all it is. Now, whattaya gonna do?"

Excerpt from Al Pacino's "Inch By Inch" speech from Any Given Sunday

Confession: I Was A Party Animal And A Member Of A Boy Band

Yes, the title is very much true. Talking to the right people from my past and you will find out that along with my good friend and then roommate John Williams, we threw some very memorable college parties at our apartment at UC Davis. Also, if you talk to the right people, you will know that I was a member of a short lived boy band that covered N'Sync songs. I'm sure that I have your attention, so here's the explanation...

Acts 2:42-47
"They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."

While in college I was heavily involved with Inter Varsity Christian Fellowship. This was truly the first time that I started on a path of healing and maturing in Christ. I know that for many, college is a time that one's faith is heavily challenged, here I found the teaching and fellowship that would strengthen my faith and start a process of healing from my childhood scars. What was most important to this, was the love I received from the people there. I developed some of the best life long friends any one could ever have. We lived in a generous and accepting community. We prayed together, studied the Word together and laughed a lot together. It would be my sincerest prayer that everyone should at some point in time be involved in a fellowship like this. It is so freeing and refreshing. One thing that is so special and unique about these friends is that at any time that I reconnect with them, we can pretty much pick up right where we left off. We can easily share what's really going on inside. We can laugh, cry and pray together. It is a safe, and warm place that we all share.
We also had a lot of fun together.
Not only did we play sports, go to movies, go out to dinner, hang out talking for all too long a time (alas you could always find me between classes at the Memorial Union with John) but also we partied. Not like the usual college drinking party, but something just as crazy, but a lot more safe (and legal). John and I threw from what I gather now, were the be and end all dance parties of our college lives. It was pretty much one large mosh pit with everyone piled in. Cranking out hits from genres like Motown (Marvin Gaye, Gladys Knight and the Pips, The Temptations), surf (Surfaris, Jan and Dean, The Beach Boys), soul (The Pointer Sisters) ,80s (in the decade of the 80s) and even Contemporary Christian (Leon Patillo, Steve Taylor); we danced the night away. It was a loud, frantic and obviously a memorable time.

Psalm 144:12
"Then our sons in their youth
    will be like well-nurtured plants,
and our daughters will be like pillars
    carved to adorn a palace."
For 10 years and then off and on for the next few years I either led or helped lead the youth groups at various churches I attended. It was a rich and rewarding time investing in young people's lives. Coming to know the Lord in my Middle School days always gave me a heart for that age group. Being the small awkward kid gave me a lot of understanding for this age group. After college I poured a ton of my time into the youth hoping that they would know Christ's amazing love and that His transforming power would deeply impact their lives. I know I taught countless numbers of Bible Studies and had the occasional very deep conversation that hit the important areas of a few of these kids. Like the IVCF group in college, we also had a lot of fun together. I realize how much I miss the laughter of youth - especially when knowing that some had very little laughter at home. I feel so privileged to know that many of these young people have grown up to be passionate about their Savior. Some are married and have their own families and few are even in full time ministry.
So where does this all connect to parties and boy bands?
As for college friends, we reconnected in Guatemala on a mission trip to the scenic Western Highlands in a little village called Panyebar. There, I got with some of my friends. When we got to memories of our days at Davis, my friend Bruce (who wrote a great article for Christianity Today) got hung up on one memory: our dance parties! It seemed that everyone in the group remembered them most fondly. No deep conversation, no insights in the Word, just the fact that at one point in my life, I threw a great party. Considering my teen daughters were there when he mentioned it, I'm not sure that's what I wanted them to hear.
Here's a picture of the "guys" in Guatemala:

Second, I went back to visit the church where I used to lead the youth group. I am so very excited to know that two guys I used to have in youth are now pastors there. The senior pastor is Jason Helveston who is an amazing young man. I know God is doing great things through him. Once again, we started to reminisce about the good old days. Again I held out on to the obviously vain hope that he'd remember a great conversation, or perhaps an insightful Bible study lesson that I had shared with him. It wasn't to be. His most significant remembrance of me? When he and I and three other guys in the youth group got up in front of the church and performed a bunch of N'Sync songs (This I Promise You, Bye Bye Bye, God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You). It seemed to be an important memory as before I hooked up with him, I bumped into his wife and the first thing she said was that I was "The guy who sang N'Sync songs with Jason." I'm sure that even in my late thirties, it wasn't a pretty sight seeing me dancing around singing songs I just learned about fifteen minutes earlier not to mention the fact that they were teen "pretty boy" love songs. Let's just say I'm not taking Justin Timberlake's place any time soon.

Phillipians 2:1-3

"In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God, 

    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;

Rather, he made himself nothing 

    by taking the very nature of a servant, 

    being made in human likeness. "

I've thought a lot about why people in my life remember things like dance parties and me making a fool of myself acting like a teen idol. My daughter Ariel gave me the insight that I was missing: Connection. In my all too self conscious self I most of time am unwilling to step out of my comfort zone. When I do step out, I am connecting with those I desire to minister to. Of course that is exactly what Christ did for us. In essence it's a Christ-like act to step out to connect with others. My introverted self struggles with that, but I know that in the moments that I do step out it has had an impact. The beauty is that the connection to others lasts eternally. So I'll say it proudly that I threw some great wild parties in college. Also, I am a retired member of the N'Sync cover boy band which we called Sync'N (which is pretty much what we did). More importantly, I get the joy of spending eternity with some amazing friends of whom I love deeply.

"Dance, children dance, children dance unto me..."

Hands High In Praise

Late last week I got some great news regarding one of my children. It wasn't a life and death situation, but something I have been praying for and hoping for. When God finally answered with a huge "Yes!" I was stunned in amazement. The next reaction was spontaneous and very much unlike my normal reaction to things: I raised my hands up in joy. I was so happy, joyful and thankful that my body just reacted. Reflecting on this I realize that still after all of this time of hopefully maturing and growing in my walk with Christ I am way too reserved in my praise of Him; the Extraordinary. We have so much to praise Him for and yet not only is it limited in the time we spend praising Him it's limited in scope. Why can't we just scream, cry, laugh, bow, or dance in joy?

A big part of why men lack is that we are once again boxed in by the world's definition of a male emotion. We are created to be emotional, but we are stifled by social mores that dictate how we are to act. Way too early in life we are told that emotions are for the weak. We are limited to laughing and getting angry in terms of social acceptance. Pretty pathetic if you think about it. Men end up stuffing or detaching from their emotions; the end result is all sorts of issues including depression; rage; anxiety and fear. Praise is a huge and positive step in terms of integrating and experiencing our emotions. There should be a moment in all our lives when we seriously contemplate what Christ has done for us. Perhaps in a song, or a film on the Passion or a passage of Scripture could hit us so hard with the depth to which Christ went to show His love for us. It should bring us to tears. We should bow down in thanks. Let whatever emotion you feel towards God be fully expressed. It's quite freeing and deeply refreshing. It will ease much of the stored up pain that we all need relief from.

I know that Tim Tebow is a lightning rod of controversy but I truly admire the young man. He has that settled peace that most men twice his age lack. One huge reason is that he knows his true Father and is at peace showing his love for Him.
One other thing that we have to get away from is the fear of men. Why do we care so much about what everybody else thinks? Fear is the universal emotion resulting from the fall of man. We are so afraid of what others think. Consider how much shame and scorn is heaped upon public figures for any misstep. Once I heard a comedian mention why men don't raise their hands too high when they're dancing. He said it was because there's an invisible "queer" line just around the shoulders that men's hands can't cross. The funny part is that there is some truth to that perception. Why should we care what other people define things as? Those who are at peace with who they are seem to be able to rise above all of that. In essence it's absence of fear that frees us. Adam was afraid of God in the Garden after the fall. Conversely, Christ, the apostles and so many who have died for their faith faced their fear and peacefully trusted in their Father. That is amazing.
To draw us closer to our feelings and to show just how much we as men do feel, think about the big moments you have experienced in sports. With apologies to Bobby Thomson, Carlton Fisk, Bucky Dent, Alan Ameche, Bill Mazeroski, John Havlicek, Bobby Orr, and Joe Carter; here are some that come to mind that hit deep for me:

The rag tag lowly eight seed 1994 San Jose Sharks oust the mighty President Trophy winning Detroit Red Wings on Jamie Baker's late goal.
Randy Hahn's call:
"It's over! The San Jose Sharks have pulled off a miracle. They're going to round two, Detroit is out!"

Cal vs. Stanford in 1982. The Big Game. Simply known as The Play. Joe Starkey almost bursts a lung with his call:
"AND THE BEARS!!! THE BEARS HAVE WON!!! THE BEARS HAVE WON!!! Oh my God, the most amazing, sensational, traumatic, heart rending... exciting thrilling finish in the history of college football! California has won... the Big Game...over Stanford."

Something I've waited all my life to see: the Giants win the World Series in 2010. Thank you Edgar Renteria! Not the greatest call, but Duane Kuiper gets the honors:
"Swing and a miss and that's it! The Giants are World Champions!"

US vs. Russia in the 1980 Olympics. Some consider this the greatest event in sports history. This Sports Illustrated cover is one of only three covers in their history that has no caption. Obviously, we all needed no explanation. We all love the underdog story. Al Michaels made the call (in only the second hockey game he covered):

"Do you believe in miracles? Yes!"

In the lore of Bay Area sports, this is the biggest of them all. This was the beginning of the dynasty. The Catch. Sprint Right Option. Joe Montana to Dwight Clark. The voice of the hated Dodgers, and perhaps the greatest announcer of all time, Vin Scully had the call:

"Montana...looking, looking, throwing in the end zone...Clark caught it!"

Psalm 150:4-6

"praise him with timbrel and dancing, 

    praise him with the strings and pipe, 

praise him with the clash of cymbals, 

    praise him with resounding cymbals.

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord."

Just taking the time to think about those moments stirs something inside of me. Great memories. Times when I jumped up and cheered like crazy. We have it in us. We need to express it. Meditate on how many great things are in your life. Smile about them. Laugh about them. Cry about them. Raise your hands and scream at the top of your lungs. God created us to express ourselves.

Woohoo!

Father's Day Gift

With Father's Day upon us, I wanted to offer my gift to fathers and future fathers. Beyond the cards, well wishes, striped ties and prime rib dinners I hope that I can offer you something that will last. Understand you have been given one of the most influential roles on earth. It is a role that can change the course of so many lives and has been ordained by God to be the agent of blessing and power in this world. The message you may be getting is that men, fathers and masculinity are archaic, unnecessary or even worse abusive. This is a lie. You are most under attack because the Enemy knows you are the most powerful.

Revelation 22:3
No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him.
First I offer you to be free from the shaming that permeates the world. We live in a results oriented, critic focused, sound byte world where it is so easy for one to be blamed for things. With that environment comes shame. What's worse is that many of you will attend church where your pastor (with good intentions) will preach a message of what's wrong with dads. It will ring of things such as what we are lacking, what we don't do and why the world is screwed up because of it. It's shame preaching and it may produce a short term change but nothing permanent. It also gives us a more callused heart as we get more obligations piled on us. I say you are free (FREEDOM!!!) from that. Your heart is good. You have a Father who loves you and is proud of you. Let that sink in to the deepest parts of your heart. You are free from the curse so you are free to make mistakes. God knows your heart.

Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
You have permission to rest. Actually, in the Old Testament you are commanded to rest. We need to recharge and relax. We need time to reconnect with our true Dad. So yes, hit the links, read the book on your front porch, play the Stratocaster (really loud if you'd like), ride the Hog (or in my case the Vmax) on some winding road to nowhere, just take your Father with you. See if you find Him in a thought or an experience. He desires for you to enjoy things and He wants to enhance it with His presence. We sometimes are shamed into feeling guilty enjoying things when in actuality carving a few hours out once in a while is a healing and growing time. If you're having trouble finding what gives you rest, ask the question (it may take several times before you come up with it): "What do I want to do?"

Obi-Wan: "You must learn the ways of the Force if you're to come with me to Alderaan."
You are not alone on this journey in life. Don't live it out in isolation. My prayer is that you have a great dad or mentor who will show you the ropes of life. There seems to be this implied (again shame oriented) view that if you don't know it, you're an idiot if you ask for help. That's a complete lie. We need help, guidance and direction. Seek out someone who will step into that role for you. You deserve it. Also, every man can be Obi-Wan to someone else. In an "iron sharpening iron" sort of way God has placed us in the position to be mentors. If you're a teen, mentor your siblings or that lonely kid down the street. If you are in your twenties, I'm sure that there's a youth group or a street ministry who would love to have you involved. If you're in the "middle" you either have children or there are other children, teens and young adults who desperately need you to fill the role of Obi-Wan. For you mature men please, we need you the most. You have a lifetime of wisdom that will bless any younger male. I know that I am still seeking that mentor.
I'm sure that you may be feeling inadequate for such a role. Understand that you are in process just like the rest of us. You will make mistakes. You may face rejection. That's OK God is much bigger and has your back. He cares more about the process then the results.

James T. Kirk "Of my friend, I can only say this: of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most... human. "
Finally, I give you the gift of brotherhood. We are not to live this life alone. You need a band of brothers who you can be real with, share with and enjoy the bonds of masculine love. I'm sure this sounds a bit dramatic or even a little weird but we need to break free from the conditioning that isolates us. It is freeing to have others who can listen, care and empathize. We have all been through the ringer and need someone to talk with. We need to be known and accepted. I pray that you find that with a few peers who will walk through life with you. For me, I meet with four co-workers who are also my friends. We talk a lot about what's really going on inside of us. It's so healing. I also have friends from my childhood, college and churches I have attended over the years that I can turn to. I am truly blessed to have this and hope that you will have it to. Having brothers in Christ will get you through so many tough times and will make the good times ever better.
I have given you some fairly abstract gifts. I understand that some of it may seem impossible to attain or just plain idealistic. To that I offer that if you are truly seeking to find any of these gifts and they seem elusive, first read more of this blog as I hope to be addressing this in other articles. Also, you are free to contact me and I'll offer you what I have. I'm far from perfect and most of what I know comes from years of doing life wrong.
Finally, you are not called to go at life alone. You have a Heavenly Father who is actively involved in your life. You are blessed and He is proud of you!
Happy Father's Day!

Of Basketball Camps, Rick Barry, An Old Baseball And A Well Worn Wallet

Fox and I spent this weekend attending the University Of Tennessee Basketball Camp with his team the Knoxville Ambassadors (I coach the JV team). We played five games in two days and had a lot of time for the team to hang out. I think it's such a great experience to have teammates to compete with, learn from and grow in friendship. The challenges and triumphs of sports really is a great thing for young men to experience. Obviously, when fallen man gets involved there are so many ugly parts that can come out, but there's so much to gain that with the leadership of men of integrity great growth is accomplished. Since we now live in a culture that greatly separates dads from their sons, sports is one of those activities that can help reconnect us to our sons. For me, the challenges of bridging the gap between me and Fox can be difficult. Both of our pasts and hurts are continued challenges for me to find ways to grow together and bond.

This weekend the team got to shoot around and play Gotcha on the Thompson Boling Arena floor. I'm sure it was a great thrill to play hoops on the very same spot that the players they look up to carve out their legacy. They also got to meet Coach Cuonzo Martin and players Yemi Nakanjuola, Jordan McRae, Jeronne Maymon and local product Skylar McBee. Even if you don't recognize the names, just understand they are the sports stars of this area. These are the men that boys around East Tennessee look up to. It was so refreshing to see them be so available and gracious to the team.
The team did very well as the continue to develop as basketball players and as a group. What they also found out is that basketball as in life, you can go a long way in growth and yet still have a long way to go. Fox continues to grow into the role of point guard. Going from scorer to play maker takes a lot of maturity. I'm so impressed with how far he has grown in this area.
 Although this was my time for Fox it was cool that during the camp, I was able to keep up with Ariel and her job interviews, Samantha and her time on jury duty, Ron in his transition in life and just missed Amanda a few times (she called me during one game. I was really tempted to take the call, but knew it wouldn't look good having a coach on his cell phone during a game). Amanda and I did catch up Sunday evening. Somehow, God has given me a pretty full quiver over the years. He has blessed me with so much that I don't really deserve. Even more amazing, He somehow trusts me with all of these lives when in fact I mess it up time after time.
This weekend I couldn't help remember some of my past. Basketball has been a sport I've loved for a long time. The hoop in the front yard of my youth still stands today and is where I spent hours trying to perfect my shot and imagine moments of hardwood glory. Where I connect to this is thinking about a time when I was ten and got to play in an all star game at the Oakland Alameda Coliseum (now known as Oracle Arena). I still can feel what it was like. We played three quarters before the game and the fourth during halftime. The Warriors beat the Buffalo Braves (remember them?) that night. I remember being in a large dressing room and then we walked down an endless maze of corridors up to a black curtain. I remember my heart pumping about 1000 BPM as I walked out of the runway into the bright lights and sitting down on the bench that Rick Barry and Nate Thurmond sat. The floor looked about 100 miles long. I remember my throat being completely dry after running up and down the court just a few times. I can remember making a short shot in the paint during the game and feeling like the greatest basketball player in the world. A funny thing was when we spilled ice on the ground around the bench, it melted immediately. I guess there's a lot of heat generated from those attending the game and the bright lights shining on the court. Somewhere along the way we got autographs of Rick Barry.
I think of that time and wonder just how memories stick with us while others so easily fade away. How many times do we hope for our kids to see something as significant and they seem to miss it while other seemingly small things become life long memories. My hope for this weekend is that each of the players had a life long memory but who knows if that will happen or not?

Joshua 4:4-7
 So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, and said to them, “Go over before the ark of the Lord your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.”

God spends a fair amount of the Old Testament having the Children Of Israel constructing remembrances. He obviously knew that somehow we needed reminders of the great things that are in our lives. We have Salvation. We have available to us the intimate relationship with an all loving Creator who went to all lengths to save us. We have our families, and friends. We live in a world that has majestic mountain, waterfalls, laughter, motorcycles, sushi and goofy large breed dogs. How much of this do we take for granted? I'm sure God was trying to get us to practice remembering.
Personally, I realize that I actually put remembrances into my life naturally. There are two that I came up with and both are quite common objects, but mean a lot to me.

The first, is a dirty brown baseball. The significance is that my dad set it aside to teach me how to pitch. Now obviously I never became that great at pitching but it means so much to me that my dad took the time to teach me the mechanics of pitching. When you ask a man what he remembers about his father, he will almost always say "He taught me to..." or "We did...together". Shared experiences and the learning process that comes through it is the powerful way in which men impart things to their sons. The sight of a father and son side by side fishing, wrenching a car or doing algebra sums it up well. I know that my dad cared enough to impart something special to me. The end of "Field Of Dreams" when Kevin Costner plays catch with his dad really hits me hard. Playing catch is one of those activities that connects dads with sons. I'm not sure I can explain why, but it truly does. I found the ball many years after I moved out of the house on the same shelf that we stored it. I still toss it around to myself when I sit in the loft at my house and remember those days in the backyard pitching to him after dinner.

Photographs and memories
Christmas cards you sent to me
All that I have are these
To remember you
Jim Croce

The second is my wallet. It's a plain black wallet that is well worn (it's over 16 years old). Loved ones have offered me gifts of wallets over the years, but I have resolved that this is the last wallet I will ever own. The reason is that it's the last gift my mom got for me. About a year after that she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I sometimes wonder why God would not allow her to be around for so many things in my life. She has never met five of her grandchildren. She didn't get to see Ariel get married. She wasn't around for either of Ariel or Amanda's graduations or how they have grown to be amazing and beautiful young women. She never knew the delight of meeting Fox. I know that God has a merciful answer for why He took her from us so early and that I will someday understand His reason. Until then, I know that I have a part of her that was there for all of these events. This wallet has also been to Guatemala, Toronto, Japan, and amongst the wreckage of Hurricane Katrina. It also has been to all of the family vacations, the day the girls legally changed their name to Nakamura and even every trip to the grocery store. One of the coolest things is that the wallet is a prop in the movie Beretta. It's Amanda's award winning student film. She needed a wallet for a close up so once again, my mom is there! (If you ever want to see the film, let me know. Proud dad's are always ready to brag about their talented kids!). When I take the time to reflect on the wallet, it's reminder that I can savor the times I did have with my mom: her feisty temperament; her silly "Lucille Ball" sense of humor and her holiday creme puff desserts.
So perhaps an autograph, a funny moment, or a memorable sequence on the court from this weekend will trigger something powerful within each of these boys. It is my hope that this experience will bring them to a point of praise to their Father or an expression of thankfulness to a lifelong friend.
Remembrances can be anything. Significant and exciting events or something hidden in the mundane of life. My hope is that we all can remember what makes each of our lives special, full of color and beauty and that God desires for us to remember and savor the amazing life that we all are living out. We are truly the crown achievement of His creation and He is the one who loves us deeper than we can ever imagine!

Champ, T.O. I Am Your Father

With the news that Terrell Owens has been cut by an indoor football team it would be easy for many of us to feel smug. Owens has acted like a self centered, team chemistry destroying, irresponsible child. That would be the easy way out, but for some reason I felt very deeply sorry for him and those around him. Yes, he has hurt many people and angered many fans. He has four children with which he has failed to take care of, parent, and even just pay for their child support. I'm sure Donovan McNabb and Jeff Garcia feel a bit vindicated after the treatment Owens has subjected them to.
Amongst all of that stands a man who I know must be deeply wounded inside based on the behavior he exhibits. It's a true tragedy. I have a level of compassion for him in the sense that he acts like someone who has lacked the direction he needs to mature. Sadly, to an extent we are in the same boat as he is.
To contrast him, I present to you George Foreman. Today, he is a smiling grandfatherly figure who has that wonderful self deprecating sense of humor. He has made millions of dollars pushing car repair shops and hamburger grills. He's a pastor and from what I can see, a good father. The odd thing is to know George Foreman of the 70s you would never think of him this way. He was a surly bully who seemed angry at the world. That rage was unleashed on his opponents in the boxing ring with a frightening level of power and punishment. Through it he rarely smiled. He seemed angry at the world. In some ways, he had the same level of hurt that T.O. has.

Where did that come from? I know one source for both of these men.
For Owens, as a young teen he was interested in an older girl in the neighborhood. The father of the girl noticed this and went to talk with him. Now usually, this would be the usual "stay away from my little girl" talk that every father has felt the need to do. This talk, turned towards the shocking. The man did tell him to stay away from his daughter. The strange part, is the reason: the girl is Owens' sister! Can you imagine the shock of finding out this neighbor is your father?
Likewise for Foreman, while he was the champ, a random man named Leroy Moorhead walked up to him and introduced himself. In a chilling "Empire Strikes Back" manner, this man told him that he was his father. That would be a shock to the system.
These stories are tragic. Where were these "fathers" when they are needed? Why aren't they standing up and truly mentoring and guiding those whom they fathered? To me, doing this is the one thing that can truly stem the tide of all that is wrong in our society. T.O. is only a product of a broken system that continues to perpetuate itself. The only difference is his fame and fortune so we get to all see it on a national stage.
My sincere hope is that T.O. will find his true Heavenly Father, feel his deep healing love and step up to become the man he was created to be.

Exodus 12:24-28
 “Obey these instructions as a lasting ordinance for you and your descendants. When you enter the land that the Lord will give you as he promised, observe this ceremony. And when your children ask you, ‘What does this ceremony mean to you?’ then tell them, ‘It is the Passover sacrifice to the Lord, who passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt and spared our homes when he struck down the Egyptians.’” Then the people bowed down and worshiped. The Israelites did just what the Lord commanded Moses and Aaron.

As for George Foreman, one thing that seems to get lost in his transformation from bully to smiling pitch man is his faith. He has found the love of his Heavenly Father and lives it out - not perfectly, but in a daily transforming way. The angry, snarl is gone. He is proof that God changes us. No matter what our past is, we can still make a difference.

As a footnote, there's a joke about the fact that all five of Foreman's sons are named George. The joke rings of the sound of a dumb palooka who has no clue how to come up with any other name. In fact, it is something heartwarming and brilliant. Foreman's shock at meeting his father inspired him to be sure of one thing, all of his boys would know who their father is. They in fact will carry the name of their father, good, bad or otherwise. This is George Foreman standing up and saying, I'm your father and you will know it from day one.
May we all find ways to step up like that.
T.O. I'm praying for you.

No Religion Bad

I am blessed to know so many people who are in the ministry. College friends (Mark Melkonian, Mike Norris, Troy Turley) , former students in the youth department (Bryan Prats, Jason Helveston), mentors (John Helveston), and friends (Mark Brackney, Wes Alford, Phil Fishbach) I have encountered along the way. What is universal is the feeling that the harvest is few no matter how ripe in number there are workers.  Obviously, this isn't what God's Word will tell us. When I look at my testimony, I see in my ancestral past the one thing that hits the truth that with God, you just never know what your impact is. I hope that for all who are in ministry, this is an encouragement.

First, I became a Christian largely through a youth group that I attended in my middle school years. My parents who are Christians took me there and it was clear that God ordained a path for me to meet the Eternal and have that all too beautiful life change that only He can do. What you can trace this back to is that my dad was allowed to go to youth group in his younger days.The interesting thing is that my grandfather, an immigrant and life long Buddhist from Japan was OK with this. Why would he be OK with this? His response was to the effect, "No religion bad." Reading my family history I found out that some unknown Methodist missionary visited the fishing village of Hiroamachi on the Inland Sea in Japan. His name is lost in the annals of time. His immediate impact was probably minimal as Japan is one of the most difficult places to evangelize. But there must be something powerful in how this missionary behaved. Obviously, he carried the Message that never ceases to leave an impact. It clearly spoke enough to my grandfather since he was OK with my dad attending Sunday School and going to youth camp.

The cool thing is that I receive the benefit of this man's faith. Who knows if anyone remembers his name. Who knows if even his descendants even know of his impact. But his faith has made a difference. So here I am living in the Knoxville, TN saved by the Amazing Grace of an amazing God and the faithfulness of a nineteenth century missionary to Japan. My deepest gratefulness goes to this missionary who probably toiled in a difficult environment with possibly little fruit for him to see. But his impact touched me. One thing I will do when we get to heaven is to find this man and thank him for his faithfulness.

So to all who toil in some times difficult and trying circumstances in ministry. I say keep it up. Perhaps even those who don't come to the Savior will end up saying their own version of "No religion bad," and it impacts someone you never personally encounter. In the end we'll all be very thankful and glorify the amazing work the God is doing.

Is This A Good Solution?

I was attracted to this article and to be honest I was filled with mixed emotions. When one confronts the difficult issue of poverty there truly is no perfect solution. I feel like if done right (and isn't that a nebulous qualification) this could be a possible way to help get someone  a level of help. If it turns into some form of exploitation, this would be yet another failed idea. When is helping become exploitation? I see God measuring our heart.
When I owned a KOA Campground, my wife and I had many opportunities to help those in difficult circumstances. We provided housing, food, and jobs. Almost every time, things went south. The problem seemed to be those we helped could not keep to the simple rules we asked. Overall, my spotty record of helping others out is peppered with some good (Compassion Child, helping in a soup kitchen, working with my college friends helping build a school in the Western Highlands of Guatemala) and mostly self indulgence.
I think the big issue is that for most of us we sit back and criticize while not getting out and trying to find solutions. I was highly impressed with Jon Bon Jovi and his Soul Kitchen. There's a guy who seems to have it right. Dignity, boundaries, all wrapped up in the misunderstood and politically incorrect term of charity. Charity is a truly blessed act of grace. Sadly, we have equated it to something condescending.
I also face the fact that God desires that our hearts are moved and we follow where He leads. Feeding one will definitely make a difference but introducing someone to the Savior is the most important thing.
Finally, check out this article from my college friend and USF Professor Bruce Wydick. It's a great starting point!