Father's Day Gift

With Father's Day upon us, I wanted to offer my gift to fathers and future fathers. Beyond the cards, well wishes, striped ties and prime rib dinners I hope that I can offer you something that will last. Understand you have been given one of the most influential roles on earth. It is a role that can change the course of so many lives and has been ordained by God to be the agent of blessing and power in this world. The message you may be getting is that men, fathers and masculinity are archaic, unnecessary or even worse abusive. This is a lie. You are most under attack because the Enemy knows you are the most powerful.

Revelation 22:3
No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him.
First I offer you to be free from the shaming that permeates the world. We live in a results oriented, critic focused, sound byte world where it is so easy for one to be blamed for things. With that environment comes shame. What's worse is that many of you will attend church where your pastor (with good intentions) will preach a message of what's wrong with dads. It will ring of things such as what we are lacking, what we don't do and why the world is screwed up because of it. It's shame preaching and it may produce a short term change but nothing permanent. It also gives us a more callused heart as we get more obligations piled on us. I say you are free (FREEDOM!!!) from that. Your heart is good. You have a Father who loves you and is proud of you. Let that sink in to the deepest parts of your heart. You are free from the curse so you are free to make mistakes. God knows your heart.

Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
You have permission to rest. Actually, in the Old Testament you are commanded to rest. We need to recharge and relax. We need time to reconnect with our true Dad. So yes, hit the links, read the book on your front porch, play the Stratocaster (really loud if you'd like), ride the Hog (or in my case the Vmax) on some winding road to nowhere, just take your Father with you. See if you find Him in a thought or an experience. He desires for you to enjoy things and He wants to enhance it with His presence. We sometimes are shamed into feeling guilty enjoying things when in actuality carving a few hours out once in a while is a healing and growing time. If you're having trouble finding what gives you rest, ask the question (it may take several times before you come up with it): "What do I want to do?"

Obi-Wan: "You must learn the ways of the Force if you're to come with me to Alderaan."
You are not alone on this journey in life. Don't live it out in isolation. My prayer is that you have a great dad or mentor who will show you the ropes of life. There seems to be this implied (again shame oriented) view that if you don't know it, you're an idiot if you ask for help. That's a complete lie. We need help, guidance and direction. Seek out someone who will step into that role for you. You deserve it. Also, every man can be Obi-Wan to someone else. In an "iron sharpening iron" sort of way God has placed us in the position to be mentors. If you're a teen, mentor your siblings or that lonely kid down the street. If you are in your twenties, I'm sure that there's a youth group or a street ministry who would love to have you involved. If you're in the "middle" you either have children or there are other children, teens and young adults who desperately need you to fill the role of Obi-Wan. For you mature men please, we need you the most. You have a lifetime of wisdom that will bless any younger male. I know that I am still seeking that mentor.
I'm sure that you may be feeling inadequate for such a role. Understand that you are in process just like the rest of us. You will make mistakes. You may face rejection. That's OK God is much bigger and has your back. He cares more about the process then the results.

James T. Kirk "Of my friend, I can only say this: of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most... human. "
Finally, I give you the gift of brotherhood. We are not to live this life alone. You need a band of brothers who you can be real with, share with and enjoy the bonds of masculine love. I'm sure this sounds a bit dramatic or even a little weird but we need to break free from the conditioning that isolates us. It is freeing to have others who can listen, care and empathize. We have all been through the ringer and need someone to talk with. We need to be known and accepted. I pray that you find that with a few peers who will walk through life with you. For me, I meet with four co-workers who are also my friends. We talk a lot about what's really going on inside of us. It's so healing. I also have friends from my childhood, college and churches I have attended over the years that I can turn to. I am truly blessed to have this and hope that you will have it to. Having brothers in Christ will get you through so many tough times and will make the good times ever better.
I have given you some fairly abstract gifts. I understand that some of it may seem impossible to attain or just plain idealistic. To that I offer that if you are truly seeking to find any of these gifts and they seem elusive, first read more of this blog as I hope to be addressing this in other articles. Also, you are free to contact me and I'll offer you what I have. I'm far from perfect and most of what I know comes from years of doing life wrong.
Finally, you are not called to go at life alone. You have a Heavenly Father who is actively involved in your life. You are blessed and He is proud of you!
Happy Father's Day!

Of Basketball Camps, Rick Barry, An Old Baseball And A Well Worn Wallet

Fox and I spent this weekend attending the University Of Tennessee Basketball Camp with his team the Knoxville Ambassadors (I coach the JV team). We played five games in two days and had a lot of time for the team to hang out. I think it's such a great experience to have teammates to compete with, learn from and grow in friendship. The challenges and triumphs of sports really is a great thing for young men to experience. Obviously, when fallen man gets involved there are so many ugly parts that can come out, but there's so much to gain that with the leadership of men of integrity great growth is accomplished. Since we now live in a culture that greatly separates dads from their sons, sports is one of those activities that can help reconnect us to our sons. For me, the challenges of bridging the gap between me and Fox can be difficult. Both of our pasts and hurts are continued challenges for me to find ways to grow together and bond.

This weekend the team got to shoot around and play Gotcha on the Thompson Boling Arena floor. I'm sure it was a great thrill to play hoops on the very same spot that the players they look up to carve out their legacy. They also got to meet Coach Cuonzo Martin and players Yemi Nakanjuola, Jordan McRae, Jeronne Maymon and local product Skylar McBee. Even if you don't recognize the names, just understand they are the sports stars of this area. These are the men that boys around East Tennessee look up to. It was so refreshing to see them be so available and gracious to the team.
The team did very well as the continue to develop as basketball players and as a group. What they also found out is that basketball as in life, you can go a long way in growth and yet still have a long way to go. Fox continues to grow into the role of point guard. Going from scorer to play maker takes a lot of maturity. I'm so impressed with how far he has grown in this area.
 Although this was my time for Fox it was cool that during the camp, I was able to keep up with Ariel and her job interviews, Samantha and her time on jury duty, Ron in his transition in life and just missed Amanda a few times (she called me during one game. I was really tempted to take the call, but knew it wouldn't look good having a coach on his cell phone during a game). Amanda and I did catch up Sunday evening. Somehow, God has given me a pretty full quiver over the years. He has blessed me with so much that I don't really deserve. Even more amazing, He somehow trusts me with all of these lives when in fact I mess it up time after time.
This weekend I couldn't help remember some of my past. Basketball has been a sport I've loved for a long time. The hoop in the front yard of my youth still stands today and is where I spent hours trying to perfect my shot and imagine moments of hardwood glory. Where I connect to this is thinking about a time when I was ten and got to play in an all star game at the Oakland Alameda Coliseum (now known as Oracle Arena). I still can feel what it was like. We played three quarters before the game and the fourth during halftime. The Warriors beat the Buffalo Braves (remember them?) that night. I remember being in a large dressing room and then we walked down an endless maze of corridors up to a black curtain. I remember my heart pumping about 1000 BPM as I walked out of the runway into the bright lights and sitting down on the bench that Rick Barry and Nate Thurmond sat. The floor looked about 100 miles long. I remember my throat being completely dry after running up and down the court just a few times. I can remember making a short shot in the paint during the game and feeling like the greatest basketball player in the world. A funny thing was when we spilled ice on the ground around the bench, it melted immediately. I guess there's a lot of heat generated from those attending the game and the bright lights shining on the court. Somewhere along the way we got autographs of Rick Barry.
I think of that time and wonder just how memories stick with us while others so easily fade away. How many times do we hope for our kids to see something as significant and they seem to miss it while other seemingly small things become life long memories. My hope for this weekend is that each of the players had a life long memory but who knows if that will happen or not?

Joshua 4:4-7
 So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, and said to them, “Go over before the ark of the Lord your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.”

God spends a fair amount of the Old Testament having the Children Of Israel constructing remembrances. He obviously knew that somehow we needed reminders of the great things that are in our lives. We have Salvation. We have available to us the intimate relationship with an all loving Creator who went to all lengths to save us. We have our families, and friends. We live in a world that has majestic mountain, waterfalls, laughter, motorcycles, sushi and goofy large breed dogs. How much of this do we take for granted? I'm sure God was trying to get us to practice remembering.
Personally, I realize that I actually put remembrances into my life naturally. There are two that I came up with and both are quite common objects, but mean a lot to me.

The first, is a dirty brown baseball. The significance is that my dad set it aside to teach me how to pitch. Now obviously I never became that great at pitching but it means so much to me that my dad took the time to teach me the mechanics of pitching. When you ask a man what he remembers about his father, he will almost always say "He taught me to..." or "We did...together". Shared experiences and the learning process that comes through it is the powerful way in which men impart things to their sons. The sight of a father and son side by side fishing, wrenching a car or doing algebra sums it up well. I know that my dad cared enough to impart something special to me. The end of "Field Of Dreams" when Kevin Costner plays catch with his dad really hits me hard. Playing catch is one of those activities that connects dads with sons. I'm not sure I can explain why, but it truly does. I found the ball many years after I moved out of the house on the same shelf that we stored it. I still toss it around to myself when I sit in the loft at my house and remember those days in the backyard pitching to him after dinner.

Photographs and memories
Christmas cards you sent to me
All that I have are these
To remember you
Jim Croce

The second is my wallet. It's a plain black wallet that is well worn (it's over 16 years old). Loved ones have offered me gifts of wallets over the years, but I have resolved that this is the last wallet I will ever own. The reason is that it's the last gift my mom got for me. About a year after that she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I sometimes wonder why God would not allow her to be around for so many things in my life. She has never met five of her grandchildren. She didn't get to see Ariel get married. She wasn't around for either of Ariel or Amanda's graduations or how they have grown to be amazing and beautiful young women. She never knew the delight of meeting Fox. I know that God has a merciful answer for why He took her from us so early and that I will someday understand His reason. Until then, I know that I have a part of her that was there for all of these events. This wallet has also been to Guatemala, Toronto, Japan, and amongst the wreckage of Hurricane Katrina. It also has been to all of the family vacations, the day the girls legally changed their name to Nakamura and even every trip to the grocery store. One of the coolest things is that the wallet is a prop in the movie Beretta. It's Amanda's award winning student film. She needed a wallet for a close up so once again, my mom is there! (If you ever want to see the film, let me know. Proud dad's are always ready to brag about their talented kids!). When I take the time to reflect on the wallet, it's reminder that I can savor the times I did have with my mom: her feisty temperament; her silly "Lucille Ball" sense of humor and her holiday creme puff desserts.
So perhaps an autograph, a funny moment, or a memorable sequence on the court from this weekend will trigger something powerful within each of these boys. It is my hope that this experience will bring them to a point of praise to their Father or an expression of thankfulness to a lifelong friend.
Remembrances can be anything. Significant and exciting events or something hidden in the mundane of life. My hope is that we all can remember what makes each of our lives special, full of color and beauty and that God desires for us to remember and savor the amazing life that we all are living out. We are truly the crown achievement of His creation and He is the one who loves us deeper than we can ever imagine!

Champ, T.O. I Am Your Father

With the news that Terrell Owens has been cut by an indoor football team it would be easy for many of us to feel smug. Owens has acted like a self centered, team chemistry destroying, irresponsible child. That would be the easy way out, but for some reason I felt very deeply sorry for him and those around him. Yes, he has hurt many people and angered many fans. He has four children with which he has failed to take care of, parent, and even just pay for their child support. I'm sure Donovan McNabb and Jeff Garcia feel a bit vindicated after the treatment Owens has subjected them to.
Amongst all of that stands a man who I know must be deeply wounded inside based on the behavior he exhibits. It's a true tragedy. I have a level of compassion for him in the sense that he acts like someone who has lacked the direction he needs to mature. Sadly, to an extent we are in the same boat as he is.
To contrast him, I present to you George Foreman. Today, he is a smiling grandfatherly figure who has that wonderful self deprecating sense of humor. He has made millions of dollars pushing car repair shops and hamburger grills. He's a pastor and from what I can see, a good father. The odd thing is to know George Foreman of the 70s you would never think of him this way. He was a surly bully who seemed angry at the world. That rage was unleashed on his opponents in the boxing ring with a frightening level of power and punishment. Through it he rarely smiled. He seemed angry at the world. In some ways, he had the same level of hurt that T.O. has.

Where did that come from? I know one source for both of these men.
For Owens, as a young teen he was interested in an older girl in the neighborhood. The father of the girl noticed this and went to talk with him. Now usually, this would be the usual "stay away from my little girl" talk that every father has felt the need to do. This talk, turned towards the shocking. The man did tell him to stay away from his daughter. The strange part, is the reason: the girl is Owens' sister! Can you imagine the shock of finding out this neighbor is your father?
Likewise for Foreman, while he was the champ, a random man named Leroy Moorhead walked up to him and introduced himself. In a chilling "Empire Strikes Back" manner, this man told him that he was his father. That would be a shock to the system.
These stories are tragic. Where were these "fathers" when they are needed? Why aren't they standing up and truly mentoring and guiding those whom they fathered? To me, doing this is the one thing that can truly stem the tide of all that is wrong in our society. T.O. is only a product of a broken system that continues to perpetuate itself. The only difference is his fame and fortune so we get to all see it on a national stage.
My sincere hope is that T.O. will find his true Heavenly Father, feel his deep healing love and step up to become the man he was created to be.

Exodus 12:24-28
 “Obey these instructions as a lasting ordinance for you and your descendants. When you enter the land that the Lord will give you as he promised, observe this ceremony. And when your children ask you, ‘What does this ceremony mean to you?’ then tell them, ‘It is the Passover sacrifice to the Lord, who passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt and spared our homes when he struck down the Egyptians.’” Then the people bowed down and worshiped. The Israelites did just what the Lord commanded Moses and Aaron.

As for George Foreman, one thing that seems to get lost in his transformation from bully to smiling pitch man is his faith. He has found the love of his Heavenly Father and lives it out - not perfectly, but in a daily transforming way. The angry, snarl is gone. He is proof that God changes us. No matter what our past is, we can still make a difference.

As a footnote, there's a joke about the fact that all five of Foreman's sons are named George. The joke rings of the sound of a dumb palooka who has no clue how to come up with any other name. In fact, it is something heartwarming and brilliant. Foreman's shock at meeting his father inspired him to be sure of one thing, all of his boys would know who their father is. They in fact will carry the name of their father, good, bad or otherwise. This is George Foreman standing up and saying, I'm your father and you will know it from day one.
May we all find ways to step up like that.
T.O. I'm praying for you.

You Deserve It

Words are so powerful. With them we can build up or destroy. As we walk through life we can either speak life and in a sense, death into a person. Looking back, I see that I have done both and can celebrate and mourn the thought.
When I go back in my mind through the times of my life I found that rarely has life been spoken into me. Don't get me wrong, I grew up in a wonderful home. It was a Wonder Years existence with me as Kevin Arnold. The all important practical side of life was very much safe and secure. But the deep questions of life remained mostly unanswered. I fear that most men these days live without those questions answered - Do I measure up? Is my dad proud of me? Am I really a man? It's not that our dads are inadequate or even to blame, but the fact that throughout the generations these questions remain unanswered. This is a tragedy.
I am deeply thankful that I have one shining moment where those elusive answers were found. Perhaps there were many others like it, but through the harsh times of shame and bullying I seemed to have lost them. I hope that this story can give all of us some hope.
I grew up the youngest of three brothers. When you're the youngest, you never quite catch up to your brothers. They're always smarter, always stronger, always more accomplished. One measuring stick was the fact that they had trophies: ones for baseball, basketball, music and academics. It became a deep desire for me to get a trophy. For once, I'd like to feel like the champion, the winner, the one who ends up on top.
The summer when I was eight was that time. We had a great baseball team. Although I wasn't the star, I was a big contributor. I could hit for average, steal bases and was a sure handed first baseman. We had a good collection of talent so the wins started piling up through the summer. Eventually, we ended up winning the city championship. It was a fun summer indeed!

So at the end of the summer, we got to feel likes kings of the city. We got to go to Candlestick Park to see the San Francisco Giants and our team was congratulated on the scoreboard. A few days later we got to receive our just prize. Yes, we got to parade around the park; we got our picture in the paper; but that paled in comparison to what I wanted: that trophy with my name on it! Realize this is in the day when only one team got a trophy - not in the "everybody gets a trophy" days that we live in today - it was a prize that was earned. I drove there with my friend Pete Damianakes (sorry if I misspelled this one, I was never good in Greek). Well the moment came and we lined up and I was handed my trophy. It had wood base and a golden ball player rapping out a hit (very much like the statue of Willie Mays in front of AT&T Park).

Not as impressive, but here's my coveted trophy:

It truly was a memorable day for me. I was so happy to have my very own trophy. On the drive home I was smiling and admiring this wonderful prize I had won. I feel that in some way I had arrived and that I was a winner. In that moment Mr. Damianakes caught me admiring my trophy. He broke the moment with the words:

"You're proud of that aren't you?"

Embarrassed I felt that deep feeling of shame that had already been heaped upon me in my eight years of life on fallen earth. These were words of correction that said that you're being too proud; and that you shouldn't brag. Even worse was the demeaning messages I had already heard as a child: you really don't deserve it; you weren't the star of the team; you were just lucky to be on a good team. Ashamed, I wanted to deny that I was proud of my trophy, but he obviously saw through me already. So I sheepishly admitted:

"Yes, I am proud of it."

I could feel myself tighten up bracing for the admonition that was forthcoming; an experience that I had been through all too many times already. His next words will stick with me the rest of my life. I can't think about them without a lump in my throat. Even almost forty years later I can put myself in the backseat of the car driving down Rose Lane and hear this brief conversation:

"You're proud of that aren't you?"

"Yes, I am proud of it."

Mr. Daminakes then said:

"Well you should be. You deserve it."

I was speechless and stunned. I choked back a tear as I let a validation that I had rarely received sink in. Even now I'm a bit choked up. Where has that been all of my life? Why doesn't that happen on a daily basis? Just know that a conversation I'm sure that Mr. Damianakes has long forgotten stays with me today.

Which brings me back to a truth that we all should hold deeply to. We have in our possession the ability to build up or tear down. My friend's dad built me up in a deep way with just a few words. We also have that power to bless in a meaningful way. My encouragement to you is to throw off what hurt and failure that is in the past, and move forward to a life of blessing others.

If you feel inadequate to the task (as I have felt), realize that your Heavenly Father has already validated you. He is proud of you, He knows that you measure up and that you have what it takes to do it. As Mr. Damianakes would say: "You deserve it."

 "No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God." John 16:27

To complete the story, Mr. Damianakes coached my baseball team two years later. We once again won the city championship. I felt that in some way, I made him proud. Even today, the trophy from this team sits on my nightstand. Here it is.

5/1/13 UPDATE

I have the great pleasure of meeting up with Mr. Daminakes and hopefully I'll see Pete later this week. It took 40 years, but I was able to sincerely thank him for his words. He didn't remember saying them, but the real important thing was the I remembered them. Let's keep on speaking life into others receiving strength from the One who gives us strength! 

Pete mentioned in an email that Mr. Daminakes claimed that the team that won the second championship was his favorite. My thought: "Me too!"

Route 66 Meets Mad Max

In one of those convergences of life, both Amanda and I ended up simultaneously getting motorcycles. Both were located north of us and so we ended up doing a road trip picking them up. For Amanda and I nothing seems to be conventional. Our daddy date nights consisted of motorcycles and gun ranges. She's the artist in the family. More than just that, she's truly has an artist's mind. Having her in my life has opened my view of the world as she exposes me to seeing life with more color and nuance. I am so deeply grateful for her as she is not only beautiful, she brings beauty in the way she creates things.
Jodi's cousin, Hope, was kind enough to give Amanda her 1989 Virago Route 66. It's a 250cc standard. Considered by many to be the ideal starter bike. I found my dream bike on Ebay for a great price: 1989 Yamaha VMax. It's one of those bikes that has almost a mythic air about it. It looks like a standard and has the power of a sport bike. It has many nicknames: The Widowmaker, The Instruement Of Death, Muscle Madness and of course Mad Max. It's scary fast.
The trip was one that took us from Knoxville, to Nashville, to Louisville, to Merrillville (all those 'villes'!), to Chicago (to pick her bike up), to Fortville (just outside Indianapolis), to Florence and back to Knoxville. About 21 hours in the car!
A big shout out to my friend and co-worker Mike Hill who lent us a trailer which saved us the trouble of renting and all of that hassle and cost. The first few hours in the car was just wonderful catching up with her. She's in college studying film making. I can say without parental bias that she has almost unlimited talent to succeed. Her films have already won awards and her stories are so deep and amazing. It's also fun to hear about her pets and her job at Jersey Mike's (Mmmmm, Philly Cheese Steaks!). Our first stop was at the Louisville Motorcycle Superstore Outlet. To be honest, the prices weren't that impressive even though the selection was great. We did eat lunch at a killer Japanese restaurant (another one our "things" that we do together). We got to talk about Japanese culture and someday travelling together to Japan. She ate her usual Bento box. I had Katsu and Philly roll sushi. We holed up in a Red Roof Inn in Merrillville (nice for the price). Dinner was at the food court in a local mall. My fortune cookie hit the mark:

Sometimes God gives you something really cool. I guess He knows how much I love launching myself down the road on a two wheeled rocket. As I said, somehow He reveals himself to me there!
The morning was on to Chicago where we hit tons of traffic, but allowed me to get a shot of the New Comiskey Park:

I would usually plan in a ballgame, but both Chicago teams we were out of town. We met up with Hope and found her bike in decent, but non-functioning state. The front brake was seized, the throttle was stuck, the rear tire was dry rotted and there were small patches of rust. Here's the bike with a beautiful model on it:

We loaded the bike and headed through the north side of town. That meant driving by Wrigley Field. I've been to Chicago so many times and have never seen a game there!

Heading down to Fortville which is just east of Indianapolis. Of course we were crazy enough to go through there on Memorial Day weekend. If you don't know, that's the same time as the Indianapolis 500! Thankfully, we missed most of the traffic. There we met up with the VMax. It's old and rough looking, but that belies the fact that it has power. Lot's of power. I test drove it and knew that this bike will be something special. My hope is that this is the last bike I own. I'm sure I'll never need any more power and speed in a bike. Just hope I don't get old and scared.

I think that Amanda has found love (at a Burger King):

We made it home where I'm working on getting her bike running. I'm also finding new ways to launch myself through the horizon.
So why blog all about this? Because it will be a memory that I will have forever with my beautiful daughter. Beyond getting two cool motorcycles, I will cherish that God granted my two and half days with just me and Amanda. When your kids become adults, the time that you had taken for granted becomes deeply missed. For me, with her it's gun ranges, motorcycles, and Japanese restaurants. There's so many little things I love about my daughter, her blue eyes, her ironic and dark sense of humor, her love of films, her inexhaustible creativity and her sweet laugh. So my next date night will either be flying to Tokyo with her, or cruising down  Foothills Parkway. Route 66, meet Mad Max!

The Best Book For Dads

It's always a bit much to label a book the definitive authority on any subject, so I'll leave the debate to others on this thought that in my opinion, if you're going to read one book on being a dad, this is it. I'll list my reasons below. The book is "You Have What It Takes - What Every Father Needs To Know" by John Elldredge.
First, it's short (and also very inexpensive $4.99 as of this writing). Let's face it. One things men don't want is another tedious thing piled onto us. Along with that, some of us aren't the type to sit down and read thousand page novels, let alone long books on theology, physics or the history of sheep shearing. In fact we're too busy working, mowing lawns, coaching, changing diapers, chauffeuring, helping with homework and volunteering at church. The book weighs in at 52 pages in length on 6"x3" booklet in size. That's manageable for most of us with short attention spans and those whose attention is divided between keeping the kids from killing each other, answering "Are we there yet?" while trying to find directions to that all import vacation destination. I told a few friends that you could put it next to the toilet and during your quality time on the throne read it cover to cover in just a few sittings. Also, I find myself reading it over and over again.
It's positive. The one thing that I hope is clear from my writing is that shaming is at best short term motivating and at worst abusive. I can't count how many Christian books are just about what's wrong. Mostly, what's wrong with the reader. I think that it's a cop out to be a critic. I think we all would just like to move past that and be motivated to want to do something. I think there's not a man in this world who doesn't want to be a great dad. Is it motivating to hear all of the dire consequences of bad dads? How about all of the little things that we get wrong on a daily basis? Most men would rather throw in the towel if that's the only alternative. So here's the cool thing: as the book states, you have what it takes to be a great dad. Not only that, you don't have to dig deep for some unknown reserve to find what it takes to be a great dad. You see, God has provided that already. It's not some mystery He's holding out for you to find. He wants you to succeed! Best yet, the benefits have a huge impact on this world!
It answers the most important questions. One thing that drives me crazy is that people can't seem to get to the point. For some reason, it isn't considered profound unless it's buried in some deep, wordy, exposition that somehow proves the writer's expertise on the subject. There is a place for this. But when it comes to the most important questions of fatherhood, get me right to the answer so I can start applying it now! So here it is: first, you have what it takes to be a great father because God is a great and generous God who wants you to succeed. For your sons, find any way that you can in as many ways that you can to tell them that you're proud of them; that they have what it takes to succeed and that you are behind them 100%. For your daughters, find any way that you can in as many ways that you can to tell them that they're beautiful; worthy of love; and worthy to be pursued. OK, class dismissed!
I know that you could take a lifetime to unpack that. But if you're focused on that as a father, you will succeed. I have to admit that as a dad, I wish I had heard this when my girls were little. Sadly, kids will continually reach out to you to answer that question and at that time I wasn't prepared to answer them. The good new is no matter where you are with your kids, it's never too late. Start today and over time it will make a huge difference. As Hebrews 12 says thrown off every hindrance. In my opinion, that's fear that we have to throw off: Fear of what others think, fear of failure (past, present and future), fear of change. All I can say is that I know what those fears feel like. Realize what that's from (Satan) and step up. Believe it or not, it's the most freeing feeling in the world to step up.
Ultimately, you will open up the doors to receive God's deep love. He is your true Father and is smiling proudly when He thinks of you. I know that you will have an eternal impact and the applause of heaven when you do it.

Never Too Late

Dear Samantha,
After these few month as serving as your "stand in" dad, I want to write to you so that you will know just how much I have enjoyed our brief conversations during the week. You are truly a delight and a very special young woman. You are an amazing blessing to your children and husband. I know that Chip feels that he is the luckiest guy in the world that you married him. I remember many times how he would go on and on about how beautiful you are - and he's so right about that! Those who get to know you are truly better for meeting you.
I very much look forward to talking with you; hearing how your week is going, what the kids are doing and even hearing your dreams. Those are so very special to me. For those short moments, I hope that you can feel an earthly father's love. Because you are a delight to get to know. You radiate a giving, wonderful air that brings life to people. I also want you to know that you are beautiful young woman. Even greater is your inner beauty. Beyond that, you have a servant's heart and a deep strong character that would be the pride of any father. I know that I am proud of you.
I have mentioned to you that even as a young girl I would have happily have taken you in to my home as my own daughter if I was given the opportunity. You are that special. I feel that God has given me this special gift now; for even a short time during the week, I get a chance to be in the role as your dad. I feel it is a great honor that you have allowed me those moments.
I want you to know just how much I wish you had better parents growing up. I feel that you truly were robbed of your childhood. The emotional turmoil, manipulation, and confusion that reigned in your home is something that you truly did not deserve. The amazing thing to me is how well you have turned out in spite of this. You are a survivor and this is a testament to your character. If that wasn't enough, you as a mother have broken the abuse cycle that could have easily invaded your family. You are creating a new Godly legacy.
Most importantly, I want you to know that your Heavenly Father truly loves you. I know that the example you received from your father has distorted what you might see as God the Father. But this is truly how He sees you. You are his beautiful and cherished princess. When you enter His throne room, you are not a sinful slave who receives His wrath. On the contrary, you are His delight. He desires for you to boldly enter into His presence run up to Him and embrace Him.
As I hope you can see, with God it's never too late to heal; never too late to be a beloved daughter; and never too late to be loved. God has an amazing way of taking the broken and making something wonderful and beautiful. I know that I see that in you. Looking forward to our next time to talk.

Naka (your stand in dad)